The One Where I Ramble About Being Passionate and Settling my Work Contract

A hundred meaningless thoughts and less than a hundred seconds to get them into some sort of meaningful format so I can sort through them accordingly.


Ready.
Set.
Go.


My union settled our contract recently.  This has been a huge source of relief in the last eight-months-from-hell.  I know people in general have a lot of opinions about unions and contract negotiations.  You're welcome to your opinion.  Frankly, I struggled a bit with my opinion on this particular contract.


Actually, that's in large part what made this contract a fresh slice of hell in the workplace:  there were a lot of opinions, there wasn't a lot of communication and several "personal" issues (among board members and faculty members alike) became the roadblocks to a settlement.  Before we finally reached the point of exhaustion, the IEA sent representatives in to ask if we were willing to strike over the issues at hand.


Strike.  The word still makes me a little sick to my stomach.  Was that something I wanted?  Absolutely not.  I don't think any party benefits from a strike, but when there is no recourse because each side has drawn a proverbial line in the sand...then what?  That's the question I kept asking myself.


The community at large believed all members of the union were stalled over a raise and insurance benefits.  (In fact, one school board member's wife took to a public forum to make her opinions regarding our "posh" contract known.)  And that's fine.  You are welcome to believe what you wish to believe about teachers and negotiations in general.  In my own mind, though, I was struggling with what feels like the constant deprofessionalization of education. 


Frankly, public education is suffering under the weight of constant reform--reform that rarely has enough years in practice to see any real change or progress.  So when it comes to drawing and keeping quality educators?  I get a little passionate.


It's not about summers off.  It's not about working 7.5 hours a day and throwing in the towel.  It's not about babysitting or entertaining.  For me, this isn't a career or a place to bide my time at all.  It's a calling.


This week alone I've been reminded how important it is to hire people who are passionate about what they do because teenagers?  Are often unlovable.  In fact, about 40% of them spend 100% of their time acting like complete douche-canoes while maintaining a desperate need for someone to care for each of them consistently.


And consistency is hard--especially when these teenagers often lash out with personal insults.  This job clearly isn't for people who are holding on for summers off.  The other nine months make that abundantly clear.


So was I willing to strike for the sake of drawing and maintaining coworkers who are going to stand in the trenches with me and holler about what needs more attention, what shouldn't be ignored and push for the things that have taken a backseat to standardized tests?  You bet your ass I am.  Too many of my students come from homes best described as VOID.  Not fighting for those students feels like a betrayal.  Fighting for more money on my paycheck (while nice) when they potentially suffer at the hands of what is left for public education feels like a betrayal.


And I wish I felt as confident about my decision (which ended up not mattering since we settled) as I sound here.


Why don't I?  Because THE FEAR.  Oh gracious heavens, the fear.


But that's another post for another day.

On Friendship

I miss her.  That's enough of a reminder that even the best of decisions come with negative consequences.

There were a lot of reasons we shouldn't have been compatible.  We're both loud and opinionated.  I was a bit of a recluse and she had no idea how to sit at home.  She was a runner (or at least a former runner).  I believed running would be best left to chase scenes in movies (and seriously reconsidered then).

But for a lot of reasons, she encouraged me to push beyond previously held boundaries.  She was just as excited to find out I was pregnant as my family was.  She called me after every.single.doctor's.appointment.  (Seriously.  How do you even keep on track of those things?)  And I'm pretty sure she wanted to snuggle Ryan as much as I did.

She had her faults.  (I probably have a few extras.)  Some people believed those faults were glaring enough to discount her, but for me?  She was the friend I needed when I needed one.  For some reason, I get the idea I fulfilled that role for her, too.  And that type of friendship is hard to overlook.  It demands a loyalty I can't and won't attempt to explain.

I never presumed her decisions would be easy, and I told her as much.  Even now, I think and rethink the boundaries that were set and try to determine how things could've been different.

But I miss her all the same.

The Three Love Languages (OK, there are five, but only three really mattered to me)

At my parents' house, Wednesday was typically called "Wednesday Night Dinner." Our regular crew would sit around the dinner table, eat and banter. And the topics? Well, ladies and gentlemen, that was a deep, deep well. Sometimes my brothers and I would participate in the game we affectionately dubbed Who-Can-Make-Mom-Blush-First. (For those curious souls, my brothers were the regular victors in that game with LilBro taking top prize for making Mom ask what a "Fluffer" did for a living. And before you ask, no, I won't be relaying that conversation here.)

Of course, regular obligations and some rotation in our regular crew have made the original Wednesday Night Dinners a thing of the past.  Now Wednesday Night Dinners take place on Sunday evenings; sometimes they are on Sunday afternoons. (Or Saturday evenings. Or Tuesday evenings. You get the picture.)

One of our more recent topics was love languages.  According to author Gary Chapman, there are five of them:  words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. 

(Guess which one would be a Fluffer's number one?)

Approximately five seconds into our conversation, everyone was trying to guess everyone else's bottom love language--you know, the one your spouse needs that you could do without.

Don't judge.  All conversations have to start somewhere.

Turns out, guessing is unnecessary because there is a very convenient and telling online quiz here.  (Go ahead.  This post will be here when you finish.)  That discovery led to the quietest dinner I've ever had with those people in my entire life.  People stared at cell phones, clicked and chewed for an half hour.

(I'd like to share everyone's individual results.  I have a great story about Gloria's results and the reactions around the table, but I'm not all about laying everyone's personal business out on the interwebs.)

(Alright.  That's a lie.  OF COURSE I'd share personal business if I thought it would get a laugh.  But some things require a foreknowledge I just can't explain here.)

The results were pretty telling, though.  For instance, I would feel loved if you cleaned my house, brought me a present and then offered to hang out.  I do not, however, need you to tell me you like me or hold my hand.  In fact, I need those things so little, they barely scored on the charts (both with a score of 1).  The top three, however, scored a 10, 9 and 8 respectively.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I appear to have no feelings.

Mystery solved.

Take the quiz and share your interpretation of your results.  I'd love to hear them.

#100inJuneChallege Update #2 (On Priorities)

I am more than 55 miles in to the #100inJuneChallenge.  This fact is both exciting and revealing because, hey, 55 miles!  In less than two weeks!  I am a machine!  But also?  55 miles.  In less than two weeks.  Do I have time for anything else?

I'm dealing with that last thought.  Time is a precious commodity, and I don't want to spend mine on inferior products so I keep weighing the worth of activities to determine what stays and what goes.  Thankfully, I have an open and luxurious summer.  Realistically, I'll be losing a significant amount of time when school reconvenes in August.  So I gotta make all this free time count.

Ok, and Favorite has set a goal for me.  If I walk 200 miles over the course of the summer, I can buy a pretty teacher planner for next year:

This is the inside "lesson planner" part.  You can see more at www.erincondren.com.
(Oh, and they aren't giving me a thing for my comments here, but it would be awesome if they would.
So, Erin, if you're reading, I would LOVE to try your product in exchange for a review.  Get back to me.)

I have no idea if the planner will be super functional for my classroom or not, but since pretty things do tend to keep my focus when I'm working, I'm willing to give it a shot.  That, and I'm starting to get used to all the walking.  And, well, I just really want to be a runner.  All this walking is just a precursor to my running ability, you know?

These new commitments come at a price, though.  Like I said, time is precious, and so far as I can tell, I'm not getting any more of it.  So I'm really starting to weigh the things I value.

Like this guy, for example.

 

He likes smiling.  Smiling is his favorite.

And this guy.



 

Yes, he is showcasing his pregnancy belly.  Don't judge.

Clearly, exercise is a way to stay healthy so I can enjoy time with both of them.  Favorite is also usually willing to join me when I walk/run and it's good together time for us away from Little Britches (and only about an hour at a time--we're still a little weird about leaving him).

 

So what else is there?

 

 

Bible study.

I'm one of those people who gleans more from learning through conversation with others.  I need to share what I got out of the lessons and then hear a different perspective.  The when and where are a little sketchy right now.  And by sketchy?  I mean  I have no idea if there will be a when and where.  But I know, like exercise, this is something I really need.  It's a different type of health, but health all the same.

And then there's quality time with my people.  You know, besides the ones pictured above.

(Plus all of those important day-to-day tasks--laundry, random cleaning, showering, etc.)

So, time.  Yeah.  I'm learning how to use it.  And I won't always have so much of it to dedicate to walking.  These miles have to have the greatest impact possible now.

How many miles have you logged?  And priorities? 

What are yours and how do you determine what makes the list?

Over Christmas, I Took a Break

The holiday season is over.  That brings a sigh of relief from a lot of people and a lot of frustration from others.  For me, it's a mixed blessing.  I remember how difficult Christmas has been for Favorite and I in the past; however, it's also the one time during the year we see and spend time with our entire family.

This Christmas brought a variety of blessings.  First of all, my mom retired.

 

 

 

My brothers, SILSheena, Nik-Nak, Gloria & Jason and PastorJosh and the CCL (and Tu-Tu) managed to keep a secret, invite friends, get food together and talk Mom into coming downstairs in order to make the surprise happen.

 

Pictures, of course, might be a bit more explanatory.

 

 

She turned her back to us because she was crying.  Her first reaction was "My kids are here!" because BigBro and SILSheena actually came in a day before they told her they would be in.  Then she realized all of these people were there for her.  My picture of her initial reaction wasn't good, but she was shocked--she even dropped her purse.

 

I can't believe we managed to keep it a secret, but we did. It was a good night filled with old friends, new friends, family and lovable people. I gotta tell you this: there's nothing like calling people, making a request and then knowing those people will wholeheartedly back your endeavor to the best of their ability.
 

Not only did we have several people help with food, there were several people who helped clean up our mess and even more who brought a sincere attitude of celebration (like Roger!) for the sake of my Mom's accomplishment.
 

I wish I would've taken pictures at Christmas. Apparently, I failed to even get my camera out for our holiday. I was too busy hanging out with family, I guess. It means I have no pictures of BigBro and SILSheena at Christmas :( And I also failed to get pictures of the monstrous snow we got the day after that kept BigBro and SILSheena stranded at our house until we could get my car our of my terrifying driveway.
 

For the new year, my family and I celebrated at a local watering hole with PastorJosh, the CCL and Num-Num the WonderChild.

Tim and Nik-Nak were there and KK got to sit with her new best friend. 

 

 

Seriously, though, KK is the cutest kid ever.  Over Christmas she kept tapping my belly and saying, "Who's in there?"  I would respond, "I don't know.  Who's in there?"  And she'd scream, "BABY RYAN!"

 

Things got a bit more interesting when she asked me if he was coming out through my belly button (umm...not quite, but something almost as uncomfortable) and if he could come out and play now.  Then, new year's eve, she tried to cut him out of my belly with her play knife for cutting her velcro veggies.

 

She's adamant Ryan needs to play.  And surely he'll love her little face.

 

 

 

Thankfully, she'll be around to entertain him since LilBro and Nik-Nak are getting married next May.

 

My date was MIA due to work.  Favorite was actually mandated twice over my Christmas break, and I sincerely hate he has to work these holidays.  Thankfully, I have a cousin who is willing to pinch hit--or at least sit beside me during a meal--so I don't feel so alone.

 

It was a sincerely awesome break.  I didn't accomplish anything revolutionary, but I really enjoyed having the opportunity to lay around and visit with people I love.

 

And now, I'm waiting for my rockstar retired mom to figure out a crib sheet pattern so we can get on this nursery business.

 

 

 

Before you know it, I'll be posting a baby announcement.  And we can't be unprepared.

Resolutions 2013

At almost 28 weeks pregnant, it doesn't make sense to resolve to lose half my body weight before New Year's Eve next year.  Additionally, pledging myself to be on the cover of People Magazine for losing half my body weight might also be an unrealistic goal.

So what follows may not be quantifiable the way weight loss often is.  But I've realized maybe I need a little less "quantifiable" in the way of goals and a little more direction.  As I looked over my goals last year, I realized a lot of them were about living better--simplification, going with the flow and appreciating my body and its requirements.  I'd like to continue tapping that mindset--especially since I have no idea how Ryan is going to change our lives.

1.  I plan to participate in Awakening 2013 (including a modified version of the Daniel Fast).

Every year, my church encourages congregants to commit themselves to 21 days of fasting.  Basically, the book of Daniel outlines Daniel's commitment to eating in a specific manner to show decadence is often detrimental.  (Of course, there's more to it.  This is an over-simplification.)  The fast asks participants to limit themselves to fruits, vegetables, whole grains and nuts.  Things like olive oil are allowed; however, other additions like butter, sugar, etc. are not.

Clearly, the fast leaves out some important food groups for those who are gestating.  With that in mind, I intend to include dairy (whole milk, half &half, greek yogurt, etc.) and lean meats (chicken, fish, turkey, low fat ground beef, etc.).  And even though the diet allows no beverages but water, I will probably continue drinking my morning cup of coffee due to the fact that coffee keeps things...um...in working order.  (Unfortunately, that's one drawback of pregnancy.)

This participation should be a kick start to continue cooking on a regular basis and quit grabbing a handful of this or that in order to satisfy my hunger (which I started doing about a month ago).

2.  I plan to focus on making my house a home.

Favorite and I have lived here for two years and I have yet to hang a picture on the wall.  Not. One.

I've worked toward getting things organized and functional, but some things have limited us from really pulling rooms together and making spaces we want to inhabit.  Since Ryan is on the way, I'll probably start with his room (it makes the most sense) and gradually work my way through the house.

My goal is a homey, comfortable, functional space all of us can enjoy.

3.  I plan to give things my best effort, but let go of what doesn't work.

There is a whole list of things I really want to try--especially with Ryan.  I'm going to read BabyWise.  We're giving cloth diapering a shot.  I'm going to commit myself to breastfeeding for at least a month.

But I don't want to make myself a crazy nutcase if those things don't work.  In the past, I've been a bit of a nazi about schedules and expectations, but I know that's not the type of person (or mom) I want to be.  So I'm basically giving myself permission to relax.  What better way to enjoy a new chapter in life?

Clearly, there are several other things I'm going to continue focusing on:  my relationship with Favorite, my prayer/devotional life, my job as an educator.  But these three things are my top priorities in 2013.  I think the lack of specifics are going to give God room to continue moving in my life, and more than anything?  That's what I want for 2013.

Do you have specific goals for 2013?  Share your thoughts.

The Magic of 12/12/12

I feel like I should mark the monumental occasion of 12/12/12 by posting a random listing of stuff surely someone will read and comment on.

Truthfully, I had a few pictures I wanted to share along with a few random statements that aren't really enough to make an individual post so I'm lumping them all in one.

*  Today is my mom and dad's anniversary.  They've been married for 37 years.  Isn't that an awesome accomplishment these days?

*  I love my classes this year.  My advanced class moved from a 78% average on their first test to a 90% average on their most recent exam.  Can you believe that?!  And I just love 5th hour.  They are such a diverse group of kids, but they are genuinely interested in each other.  Today, after a few informative speeches, they asked the respective speakers so many intelligent questions.  It was a proud moment to be a teacher.

*  A couple of weeks ago, Favorite and I did a belly comparison:

 

They're alarmingly similar, are they not?  (On a side note, I tried to get them to post side by side, but I'm not tech-savvy and blogger wasn't cooperative.  Use your imagination.)

 

*  I still can't talk about this gift my mom got me without saying all these things that apparently make my readers cry.  (You're an emotional group, aren't y'all?  HA!)  But, honestly, I can remember seeing it in Hallmark and repeatedly wishing I would have a reason to make the purchase. 

 

 

*  Speaking of gifts, I have several I need to post here so you can get an idea of how awesome my support system is.  My Aunt Diane gave Ryan an Ugly Doll (which matches his nursery perfectly), and since she saw it and knew how much I loved Sock Monkeys, Gloria gave me this:

 

He plays peek-a-boo, guys.  And then giggles with this little kid voice.  So.Very.Cute.

 

*  Favorite has been busy finishing up the closet in Ryan's room and the closet in our guest room.  When they come next week, BigBro and SILSheena may even be able to hang their clothes instead of unfolding everything from the suitcase.  And Ryan's room has closet doors.  When those rooms aren't disaster areas, I'll try to get some pictures up here for you all to see.

 

*  And just for fun, we drove out to the road to see our Christmas tree in the front window of our house.  That picture didn't turn out well, but the one of our tag-alongs was pretty indicative of their personalities:

 

 

We are stocking-less this year since I couldn't find any I really liked.  (Or, more accurately, I was unwilling to pay $35 a pop for the Sock Monkey stockings I found and llllluuuurrrrvvvveeeddd.)  But I'm almost completely done wrapping presents and have just a few more things to grade before I can officially relax.

 

And then?  I'll be chillin' until January 7th.

 

Which is about as merry as it gets :)

I kinda liked Jon Acuff's take on this particular image.  Visit his blog to see how an angel gets its wings.
(Hint:  This billboard may not be the way to make an angel fly.)

Maybe we should forget about verbiage for a while.

“Want to keep Christ in Christmas? Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, forgive the guilty, welcome the unwanted, care for the ill, love your enemies, and do unto others as you would have done unto you.”
                                                       --Steve Maraboli

We're Moving (Out of Our Trailer)

Favorite is on vacation for the next week so we're finally going to move out of our trailer.

No, there is no reason to remind me that we've lived in our house for almost two years.  Consider it to be an emotional decision.  We were so excited to move into the house, we just forgot the trailer even existed.

I'd offer you pictures of its aluminum magnificence, but I hestitate to share my shame make other people jealous--particularly when there are so many other reasons to be jealous of my way awesome life.

Let's take our church fall festival last week.

I discovered what Favorite would look like with a full head of hair:

Now that?  Is a sexy beast.  A totally a reason for you to forget about the trailer and envy me for my choice in man candy.  Ignore the fact that he accidentally trimmed his facial hair a bit too closely and, as a result, looked about 10 years younger than normal.

Of course, I didn't want him to feel like he was the only one who could pull off a truly awesome hair-do.

It's me, no?

I'm working on outfits to truly optimize it's sophistication.

But my real talent comes in the form of pumpkin carving.

See that?  Not one lesson.  And it's an original design.

And it won a prize.  (Unlike my chili.  But it's OK.  Eventually I'll recover from the fact that Favorite is now in love with my music minister's wife because she's a better cook than I am.  How did that happen?  I used to be awesome.  Clearly I've spent too much time working on my appearance [see above] and capitalizing on my knife skills [Um.  Obviously].  He'd best watch himself.)

The trailer is going to have to wait, though.  We're going to celebrate a second birthday for this little princess:

Guess Favorite will be on his own this week while I'm at work...

A Fogless Weekend

There was fog hanging just above the farm as far as I could see this morning.  It's a weird image.  Almost like we lived on the moors referenced in Wuthering Heights or some other equally mysterious book.  For me, though, that fog clarified how hazy things have been in the last few months.  Since July, I felt like I've been living on fast forward and things have only just slowed to normal speed this month.

Fall does that.  Or maybe October requires a slower pace--one that requires four day weekends, deeper breaths, an appreciation for color and time with family.

For a few days, I left my immense pile of grading and didn't feel badly to take a couple of days hanging out with my family near LilBro's current residence.

And since all vacations begin with Favorite in a hat...

Here he is in all his gansta glory.  And if you can't read it, his shirt says, "I keep it real."  What other caption could a big man in a teal shirt need?

Favorite and I stayed overnight so we could visit Babies 'R' Us to finalize a few decisions regarding bigger items that don't necessarily require a positive gender identification.  The coolest thing about our visit?

The only problem is now Favorite believes all places of business should have a few parking spaces dedicated to expectant mothers.  I tried to explain that even if they did?  I would probably park farther away and walk.  His argument was undeterred.

We also decided we will likely purchase one of these (or something similar):

The Jeep stroller comes fully outfitted with an iPod hookup and speakers.  It's a sweet ride, yo.  Frankly, though, after walking/running with friends and pushing three different types of strollers, Favorite and I have agreed that a jogging stroller may be a good choice for us. 

While I am walking some now (and maybe running occasionally...depending on who is reading this), I do intend to return to my running schedule after Little Navajo is born, and I do intend to work toward competing in at least one 5K and working my way up.  I doubt I'll ever be marathon material, but I do enjoy this whole I-never-thought-I-could-run-except-now-I-do high.

The family arrived the next morning and we spent the day shopping and hanging out.  We exhausted ourselves early enough to eat dinner with anyone over the age of 65 (around 5 o'clock) and LilBro chose a restaurant with the intention of developing "The Meat Sweats."

"The Meat Sweats" come as the result of eating a large portion of meat in one sitting.  And even though that was his goal, I'm not sure LilBro was altogether successful.

He ordered the build your own burger platter and might have exceeded his expectations by a bit.

Not that he wasn't up for the challenge...

He even got a little support from JaketheSnake who had been his running buddy earlier in the day.

Eventually, though, he succombed to the glory that was the build-your-own-burger.

When dinner ended we went our separate ways because a few of us had a two hour drive back to the ole homestead. 

Frankly, I was glad to be heading back to my king-sized bed.  You don't know how small a queen is until you've been sleeping in a king for a while and you try to fit your slightly overgrown butt into the same bed with a man who approximately the size of an adolescent buffalo.

My long weekend ended with some time with prezi.com--a successful encounter, I might add.  Since my first experience, I feel like I've become at least a capable user.  And it was cool to seamlessly include pictures and videos without constantly googling instructions about embedding.

Oh, and I saw a movie with my mom:

I don't know what this says about my personality, but I couldn't resist a movie where a group of girls remixes Blackstreet's "No Diggety."  Don't judge me.  The movie itself was a bit blah, but I love remixes and acapella groups so the music was a lot of fun. 

Then my mom convinced me that the shellac manicure was worth it, so even though I never wear nail polish, I sat for forty-seven layers to end up with this:

(There should be a picture here, but my computer just stopped reading my car for some reason.  I'll try to fix if I have some time tonight.)

Verdict?  A good weekend.  And a reminder to appreciate what's in front of your face instead of moving on fast forward all the time.

A lesson that bears repeating, no?

Prezi

School started and life as I know it ended.

No more sleeping until 10 am.  No more naps.  No more planning meals when I felt like it or keeping the house relatively clean.

Now, I'm learning to navigate the ridiculous and confusing aspects of Prezi in hopes of giving a few of my lectures a little more umph.  I started at 5:30, and now, at 8:22, I am finally finished with one presentation.

I seriously need a student to share the finer points of the program with me so I can figure out what the crap this program can do.  I know it's awesome, but the tutorials suck and it is not a user friendly program--particularly for people who are used to navigating dummy-proof powerpoint.

By next week, I should be back in the groove, and that groove should include blogging from time to time...though I seriously doubt it will be as frequent as it has been in the past.  I fear I'm running out of things to say.  Or creative ways to say them.  There is my real fear:  my writing aspirations are slowly circling the drain and I haven't even realized it because Prezi is sucking my last brains cells out my fingers.

I'm going to try to find some way to plug the hole so I can keep something going on here. 

And now?  Bed.

I know it's 8:30.

Don't judge me.

NutriCraig

Every time Marie Osmond appears on my television and starts touting the benefits of NutriSystem, I begin to think maybe I've taken the wrong route with this diet/exercise regime.  Marie, after all, looks fantastic.  So does Mariah.  And Valerie.  And Kirstie Alley did, but I'm not sure if this is an "off again" moment.

And if eating prepacked food with little variation and paying exorbitant sums of money for those frozen meals sounds appealing, I'd say NutriSystem or Jenny Craig are for you.  Yet there's this niggling feeling in the back of my mind that says their definitions of eating better and my definition are two very different things.

See, I like texture, color and taste.  I want fresh food with nutty olive oil and the bite of fresh grated parmesan.  I want to grill a steak, add fresh mushrooms and carmelized onions and appreciate the sweet and savory working together to make a meal that absolutely bursts in my mouth.  I need the creamy, cheesy bite of potato soup with the added hickory smoked flavor of real bacon pieces.  And I don't want to forget how fresh blackberries taste folded into buttery, flaky crust.

By and far, I think the definition of dieting has grown to mean that those participating cannot eat anything that tastes good--forget delicious.

But I'm learning that reprograming my mind doesn't mean what I originally thought it did.  I don't eat boxed, frozen meals.  I eat good food, and I've re-evaluated what "good" means, too.  I kicked the three year old out of my mind who believed chicken nuggets were a gourmet masterpiece.  Not because I'll never eat another nugget again, but because I was compromising what was good for what was available.  For some reason, I thought those things were equal.

Now, good and quality are closer to equal in my mind.  The size of my portions have changed drastically.  There is certainly a change in the way I approach meals--not just for pleasure, but for the way my body is going to process it in the hours afterward.  (How did I discount that before?  I was willing to enjoy an hour long meal for hours of misery afterward.  Is that even sane?)  And then there's the movement.  (Which will hopefully increase in the coming weeks.)

I would probably show larger losses in a smaller period of time if I committed to Jenny or NutriSystem, but I feel like I'm making greater gains right where I am.

Even if Marie looks amazing in her tiny clothes.

Regrets, Target and Flashing an Audience

Sometimes, when I hear people say they regret nothing because all those things have worked together to make them the people they are, I think, "Wow.  It must be awesome to have that sort of perspective."  Because I'm pretty sure I'm never going to think that flashing my behind to all the people in Target brought me to this place of clarity and purposefulness. 

 

Then again, I have an awful lot of regrets--from simple faux pas to egregious errors in judgment--and I'm pretty sure I would go back and change several of those things given the opportunity.  And if that opportunity were available to the people who say they don't regret anything, I would be willing to bet significant sums of money they'd change a few things, too.

But I've been thinking about the things I don't regret, and none of them include spending hours on Pinterest.

• I rarely regret a workout--whether it's walking three miles or running 1/2 mile.  And, so far, I've never regretted choosing to eat something decent for me.  Especially since eating horribly generally leaves my stomach feeling distended and gross.  Stupid gall bladder.

• I don't regret encouragement whether it comes from me or is for me.

• And even though I'm pretty sure it's going to make me sound like a dirty slob, on days I'm staying home, I rarely say, "Wow.  I totally regret that I didn't shower, do my hair and put on makeup."  Don't judge me.

It just made me wonder if my decision making skills would actually improve if I approached everything the way I approach Long John Silver's (i.e. Yeah...that's gonna taste good, but I'm going to have to live with that one meal for the next three days...)

So what about you?  You have regrets?  They too few to mention?

Firm as Jello

My mind is firmly positioned on my classroom. 

Well, if jello and firm have the same denotation, then my mind is on my classroom.  Basically, I mean I'm thinking about anything and everything in great spurts that don't much amount to epic blog posts.

And that would be new and different except it's pretty much the way my mind works and guarantees that when I have a conversation with a new person at church and he states he's from New Mexico the first questions out of my mouth will revolve around scorpions and whether or not he's had to fight them in his bedroom at night.

Standing proof that loving Jesus doesn't mean a lack of awkward conversations.  And it certainly doesn't quell my fascination with scorpions.

It's a wonder more people don't want me at their social functions.

But I promise I'll work on sharing something more substantial--as soon as my brain gels.

7 Quick Takes Friday (7/13/12)

-1-

I have such a large pile of laundry on my living room couch, it looks as though my clothing has procreated.  But the real marvel is I'm not ashamed.  I figure I'll get around to it when I get around to it.

Tomorrow.  Definitely tomorrow.

-2-

Every time we go running, I feel like I run a little faster or farther than the time before.  Last night, I was running 200 meters at a time.  I realize that doesn't sound like much, but in comparison to where I was when I started, it's huge. 

SILSheena asked if I still wanted to die during/after every run.  I told her it depended on the day, but the truth is that's happening less and less.  I still feel like I can't breathe toward the end of the running; however, I also believe every step is another step toward obedience to Christ.  And He has been faithful to push me and allow me endurance to stay the course.

-3-

Calorie watching always creates it's own set of challenges.  As a piece of advice, I'd just like to say that if you're going to eat really well and then you have enough calories to spend on a cheeseburger and fries, you might also want to make sure you'll also be near a restroom.  For most of the evening, preferably.

I'm not saying this happened to me, you understand.  I'm just pointing out that it's a possibility.

-4-

Our current governor in my great state is attempting to require high school students to earn four years of math credit in order to graduate.  I have a lot of thoughts about this particular subject.  If I were a perfect world educator, I would think this was the best idea since block scheduling.  We would give the students the opportunity to be exposed to more material!  The success rate would be phenomenal!  Colleges would no longer worry about preparedness!  Ad nauseum!

Realistically, though, I don't think it's going to be the answer to all of our educational woes.  Sadly, I think education reform is a near sighted attempt to fix something that has been perpetuated by societal expectations.  Entitlement, apathy and familial support seem to be largely discounted by a movement that is deeply affected by all these mentalities.

And there, I will get off my soapbox.

-5-

I've spent a lot of time on Pinterest pinning things to my "Things I Want to Wear When I'm No Longer Fat" board.  In the past, I pinned things there believing I would never really wear some of those offerings.

Now, I pin with hopeful expectation that someday is a lot closer than it was five weeks ago.

-6-

This week I discovered that my good friend, DM resembles Neville Longbottom from the Harry Potter movies.  Personally, I'd like to use this as a selling point on the "About Me" section I'm writing for his photography website.

But as a magnanimous blogger, I've decided to let you decide is the resemblance actually exists:

This is DM.  He's darling.

This is Neville Longbottom.

Truly, I wish I had a picture of DM smiling with his teeth so you could see the magnitude of their twinhood.  But this is as close as I can get.  Weird, right?

The weird part was when I texted DM to share my discovery, he commented, "That's insane...I look just like that dork."

You're welcome, DM.  You're welcome.

-7-

My dogs are no longer allowed on my furniture.

I made this decision after the little one (Corky) decided that everytime he pooped, he had made himself a snack.  The grossness of this particular discovery reached maximum potential when he decided to eat said snack in front of my niece and cousin (6 and 4 respectively).

Stealing "snacks" from a dog and trying to keep two kids under the age of 8 from vomiting on my floor was more than I could handle.


(I think something about my writing makes people feel like comments are unnecessary, but I truly do look foward to them.  Please make sure your email address is connected to your profile so I can respond.  And to my email subscribers, I always enjoy reading your emails regarding the topic at hand.  Thanks for reading.)

This Is A Good Place

Apparently overwhelming piles of housework mean I'm going to see things in a more positive light.  So it's an understatement to say I'm feeling positive today because I have more than six piles of laundry awaiting my attention and a cast iron skillet that has developed some sort of weird funk even though I just put it in the sink yesterday. 

(Seriously.  I hate washing that thing.  Which is sad because I love cooking in it.  Nothing tastes better than food from a perfectly cured cast iron skillet.)

Mostly, though, I feel like things are as they should be.  Dependence has a way of putting things in perspective without allowing any delusions of grandeur to creep in unwelcome.  And if there's anything I've learned from Star Wars, it's that no one appreciates a Jedi with delusions of grandeur.

This is a good place.

Source
Hopefully a place that includes awesomely effortless
patchwork skirts like this one.

PastorJosh has been preaching with deep conviction regarding God's presence and capability in our lives.  Dry bones can live again (Ezekiel).  His Presence will manifest itself gloriously in the stories we tell in recognition of Him.

And there is enjoyment and a sense of belonging in community.  Which, oddly enough, may be affecting my reculsive tendencies.

Source
Of course, the real test will be what happens when I get
back to the classroom and try to juggle those demands.

I'm finding my heart changing toward running.

Source

I see it as obedience and a regular reminder of my need. 

Source

And God is regularly helping me to be "transformed by the renewing of [my] mind" (Romans 12:2).  Which means sometimes I have to remember:

Source

But, yeah.  Overall, this is a good place.  It's thick with the reassurance that "he who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Phil 1:6).

And now I have to de-funk that skillet.

Waiting for the Dam

The worst.thing.ever happened to me this afternoon:  I ran out of words. 

I was staring at a computer screen, attempting to write a letter to the women who will be participating in the Nehemiah study at my church, and I realized I had nothing to say.  Nada. 

I reasoned my lack of verbosity was due to finishing a guest post for another blogger earlier in the day, but then I realized I had been working on that post for more than two weeks. 

This?  Is the verbal Sahara.  And it's crazy because I have all of these ideas that need a little flesh on their bones.

I don't think this is a permanent place--just somewhere I'm going to navigate while I spend a little time listening for God's voice.  Also?  I'll be logging time here just to keep myself in the practice of writing.

Hopefully, I'll be able to put the proverbial pen to paper on some of those other topics in the near future. 

Personally, I'm praying the dam holding the loquaciousness will break.  Soon.

A Compilation of Attributes

We are officially back from visiting BigBro and SILSheena.  I documented most of our trip through Twitter and Instagram, so I probably won't recap here (with the exception of a few things I just feel the need to discuss because that sandwich at Melt bears some meditation).  Now that vacation is over, I've had some time to sit and consider a variety of topics:  the school year, church, Bible study, weight loss, etc. 

And I promise I'll try to talk about any of those things as interestingly as I know how.  I sure wouldn't want to take you away from your DVRed episodes of The Hatfields and McCoys because holy crap that was amazing TV.

(Totally serious for a minute.  Did anyone watch it?  The History Channel hit it out of the park this time.  I totally felt invested in those people--though I couldn't quite understand the allure of Johnse Hatfield?  Favorite and I rarely watch more than a couple hours of TV at once, and we found ourselves watching two episodes back-to-back--about 4 hours worth of television.)

Meanwhile, I've wisely been considering which attributes of which women I would gladly take as my own.  So far, here's what I've gotten:

Face/Hair:  Isla Fisher (runner up:  Emma Stone)--What can I say?  I love red(ish) hair and pixie-ish looks.

Figure:  Julianne Hough (runner up:  Jessica Alba)--Abs.  That's all we need to think about here.

Intelligence:  Melissa Fitzpatrick--I'm pretty sure she's younger than I am (anyone know for sure?), but her reading prowess is off the charts.  And she writes so beautifully.

Dance Skills:  Shakira (runner up:  Jessica Alba)--I just want to be able to belly dance...but Alba's turn in Honey was enough to convince me she deserves some recognition here.

Singing Chops:  Christina Aguilera (runner up:  P!nk)--Aguilera gots skillz, yo.  Anyone who has heard her sing knows that's for sure.  But I also have a thing for P!nk's I'm-not-trying sound.  I should also mention that it wouldn't hurt my feelings to sound like Kelly Clarkson, Natalie Grant or Carrie Underwood, either.

Determination:  Christine Caine--I've never had one woman who singularly made me feel so capable and slacker-ish in the same second.  God is certainly using her.

Writing Ability:  Nichole Nordeman.  Or Melissa Fitzpatrick.  Or Beth Moore.  Or Madeleine L'Engle.  Or any woman who has made me feel like words jump off a page into the chests of the people who read them and make an impact.

That's all I managed to compile before our nine hour car ride came to a gracious end.  But surely I'm not the only girl who's ever compiled attributes?

Maybe?

Suckingly Amusing

Things that suck (but amusingly so):

1.  Jay-Z had it right:  thirty is the new twenty.  At least it seems that way in current culture.  Or maybe just because I'm in my thirties now.  But because thirty is the new twenty, there are all these expectations regarding how a person should look well into middle age-ed-ness.  Sure, no one wants to have to rock mom jeans, but do I still have to entertain the idea of skinny jeans?  Isn't thirty too old to consider leggings and a shirt an outfit?

2.  I am never thirsty anymore.  Mostly because I consume approximately one lake of water a day.  But my dedication to the habit means I forever look like I'm trying out for America's Best Dance Crew, because I constantly have to visit the little girls room.

3.  My new favorite meal is Lemon-Splashed Shrimp Salad.  It incorporates a good portion of veggies (I eat the salad over a bowl of spring mix), and it includes good fats and a fresh flavor.  Unfortunately, I'm starting to feel toward my appetite the way my husband felt toward me when we were building a house.  Occasionally I've wanted to yell, "OH, SHRIMP IS IT?  HAVE YOU CONSIDERED FRESH STEAMED LOBSTER?  IT'S ONLY FIVE DOLLARS MORE!"  Nothing like wine taste on a beer budget.

4.  My dog loves biscuits.  He also loves the insides of my shoes.  Recently, he ate the footie socks I started wearing to keep him from licking the insides of my shoes.  Know how I found out?  His stomach didn't want to digest said footie socks.  You do the math.

5.  My hair is longer than it's been since I was five.  I'm almost Rapunzel.  Embellishments aside, I've realized that my goal of having long hair isn't nearly as functional as I'd once imagined.  Or maybe I needed less sleep in those days.  Regardless, the ponytail-every-day-thing makes my face look fatter so I'm going to have to compromise sleep, vanity or just get a stupid haircut.

6.  Fresh, crusty, French bread with olive oil, Parmesan, salt, pepper and tomato.  I can't quit you.  ::sobs::

7.  Spring break is on its way.  My spring break body is still in hiding.  Give me some french bread and I'll still call it a win.

I Wear My Sunglasses At Night

Laundry is beckoning me.  The dishwasher is screaming my name.  And all I can think is that I'm going to need my sunglasses today.

What is it about sunglasses that make me feel 75% cooler than I did before I put them on?  Puh-leeze don't tell me I'm on my own here.  You do it, too, right? 

As you slide in the car and situate yourself in the driver's seat, you take a few minutes to slide the cool factor on your face and realize that every outfit, hairstyle and lip gloss looks just a little bit better with an awesome pair of sunglasses.

That confession may make me a nut job (like that's something new, here?!), but I've felt this weird surge of hopefulness lately.  I'm not sure what to do with it or how to account for it, but something inside me is craving a pair of sunglasses, because it 'pears things are about to get bright up in here.

I have no news.  No revelations.  Just a beautiful day and the promise of more ahead.  And I feel like even though I know exactly where I am, there's been an inexplicable change of disposition.

Yesterday, I decided I hated the way I was teaching a certain unit and decided to rewrite the whole thing even though I've already started it.  It might be an ambitious undertaking, but I'm looking forward to it.  Weird?

This week my defensive personality took a back seat to laughter.  For the first time in forever, I didn't feel the need to confront someone who continues to pursue others to "clarify" situations we haven't discussed outside of our family unit.  More and more, I feel like God reminds me that innocence and track records speak for themselves.  That, and I think He's showing me that defensiveness never forged relationships that drew others closer to Christ.  (I also keep hearing Chris' voice in my head:  "If you know you're right, you can rest in that instead of trying to convince everyone else.")

In the last few days, it seems God is taking me to a new part of my life verse (which has become a life chapter now).  "See, I am doing a new thing!" He calls.  And He is.  For me.  For others I know.  For anyone willing to move away from the call of what "has to be" for the sake of what can be.

So today, I'm sliding on my sunglasses.  I don't want all this brightness to blind me.