...Whatever is Pure...Part 2

Start at the beginning

In high school culture, the 16th birthday is a big deal.  Around here, it doesn't just afford the new driver the opportunity to get from place to place; it also affords them a new found freedom at lunch due to the phenomenon of open campus.

Invariably, that person develops any number of friendships in the weeks before s/he turns 16.  Freshmen and young sophomores come out of the woodwork to cultivate a relationship with the guy who will be able to drive sooner rather than later.

And generally, those relationships last until the freshman or young sophomore turns 16.  Then, the "bond" that was formed fizzles into nothing and the two students go their separate ways.

C'est la vie.  Such is life.

Except, I wonder if we should be so nonchalant about something that is potentially damaging.

Unfortunately, I've actively participated in any number of relationships with lack of pure motives.  If I wouldn't benefit, I didn't get involved.  And, sometimes, I sought out relationships only because they were beneficial to me.

Ulterior motives are one of the uglier parts of human nature.  But those particular motives, even when they're fulfilled, don't satisfy.  Most of the time, I think the commands in scripture lean far more to our benefit; God knows human nature.  He created it.  So when He says, "...whatever is pure...think on these things..." I think it's a it's an admonishment that so much can go wrong when we lean the other direction.

Madeleine L'Engle has been one of the only authors to help me understand the concept of pure motive.  In one of her stories (The Time Quartet or A Ring of Endless Light--I'm not sure which), one character asks another when she is most herself.  After a moment or two, she responds, "When I'm involved in something else and completely focused on that thing."  He, in turn, says, "So you're not thinking about yourself at all.  Isn't it funny that when you're not thinking solely about you is when you're most yourself."

When we completely throw ourselves into something for the sake of that something, I think we begin to see glimpses of Jesus reflected in our own countenance.  But when we seek only ourselves, that's all we'll ever see.

Slowly, God is drawing my motives, my attitude, my focus back to Himself.  He's spent a lot of years letting me wonder in the desert.  More than anything, I pray it's been a purifying process.  But I'm looking for Canaan across the horizon.

Whatever is Lovely

...Whatever is Pure...

Start at the beginning

Apparently, I have a little problem with the antonym game.  I stared at Philippians 4:8, focused on the word "pure" and then started listing every tainted thing in my life.  I think I have a problem.  Or this project is definitely drawing my thought life into the light.  At this point, I'm going to end up having a nervous breakdown during 7th hour and screaming, "TURN THE LIGHT OFF...IT'S ENOUGH LIGHT ALREADY.  IT'S BURNING.  I'M MELTING.  MELTING."

Ha.  Kidding.  Just kidding. 

A little.  (I promise I don't act out scenes from The Wizard of Oz...at least not every day.)

Except for the tainted thing.  That's true.

And the most tainted thing in my life?  Food.

I started my first diet in 7th grade.  In those days, Weight Watchers actually gave you a certain amount of fats, protein, bread, etc. that you could eat in a day.  It wasn't the simple "calculate your points" progam Jennifer Hudson is plugging on the tee-vee.

(Speaking of Jennifer Hudson--Wow.  Just, wow.)

In high school, I experimented with a variety of ways to lose weight.  I would skip meals.  Chew gum.  Eat only tic tacs.  Eat certain types of food.  Chew food so I could taste it and spit it out.  (Yeah, that sounds really sick, now.)

Into college, I discovered Atkins, Slim Fast and laxatives.  All super-healthy approaches to eating well.   #heartattackwaitingtohappen

By the time I got married, I knew I needed to do something about my ever-increasing weight.  So I started Weight Watchers (POINTS by this time) and walked every day.  For an hour.  Sometimes longer.  And in a 4 week time period, I lost a pound.

Frustrated, I shared my problem with my doctor who got in my face and said, "You're fat because you eat too much."  And then?  Food became the enemy.

It was difficult to enjoy dinner when I knew I would hate myself for eating it later.  Anytime I ate a chocolate, a piece of cake or anything that wasn't a raw carrot stick, I would hear something in my head:  "You don't deserve that, Fatty.  What's wrong with you that you think you get to eat something like that?"

I fight that taint every day.  Food isn't the problem.  I am.  My body is.  And the best lesson I've gotten on purely enjoying food has been from a one-year-old.

PastorJosh's daughter is Chloe, and she is so excited about food.  When Favorite and I went out to eat with her (and her family), every time the waitress brought a plate of food, she would say, "Ooooooohhhh....num, num, num."

Everything looked delicious to her.  Everything tasted fabulous.  And I guarantee she didn't go home and wonder what that sweet potato was going to do to her thighs.  She just knew it tasted good, and she enjoyed it.

I know it may sound stupid to you, but I truly pray food doesn't become tainted for her--that she purely enjoys something because it's meant to be enjoyed.

I don't mean this to be a lesson on nutrition, nor do I intend to say that purity is all about enjoyment.  But I do think so many things get weighed down with factors that don't even belong in that particular category.  Our lives have become an ever-growing Pinterest board.  We "pin" issues that may not even belong in a particular category, but those issues impact the way that category functions in our lives.

Maybe instead of embracing a world of issues, we need to stand in defense of a little purity.  Might do a world of wonder for our attitudes.

Whatever is Pure Part 2

...Whatever is Right...Part 2

Start at the beginning

I hate introductions.

I also hate waiting, freezing, dieting, weird hair growth (and not on my head), pimples and the fact that I may never have a biological child.  I hate those things deeply.  Passionately.  And even though I've declared this stupid disease will never own me, I've had days when I stare in the mirror and feel like I'm suffocating under a list of ridiculous symptoms.

I cry.  A lot.  I feel alone and forgotten.  I forget to ask for knowledge, and remember that I wouldn't be able to identify knowledge if it hit me in the face.  I feel hopeless.  And then?  Then, I get very, very angry. 

Sometimes, on really bad days, I rant to God.  I tell Him that I know He can, so why won't He?  I ask Him to direct my path, but rarely believe He actually will.  I ask Him to make it stop--whenever and however that's possible.

And that particular attitude follows me into every. single. relationship.  It pursues me through my classroom doors.  It sits next to me in church.  It buckles up in my car on the ride home.

Because no matter how I look on the outside, my heart?  Often feels like a dark, ugly shade of gray.

Since my days at U of I (circa 2001), I've working to "take captive every thought" (2 Corinthians 10:5).  Beth Moore's Breaking Free was the first indication I even needed to consider my thought life.  Eleven years later, I wished I would've processed the lesson in its entirety.

When it comes to "right," it's easy to gloss over the concept of right thinking or right attitudes, but the Bible has a lot to say about our thought lives.

Hebrews tells us that God "judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart" (4:12).  Paul reminds us that, in giving, attitude is as important as the gift (2 Corinthians 9:7).  We are reminded to put off our old selves and "to be made new in the attitude of your minds" (Ephesians 4:23).

Those few examples are enough evidence to convince me that our focus on something right isn't just supposed to lead to right action.  It's supposed to generate right thinking.

I'm not entirely sure that right thinking is always positive thinking, but I know that it is God-centered--in recognition of who He is and what He can do.

Attitude clamps me in manacles.  I get my feelings hurt easily.  I dwell on those hurts.  I pull away and isolate myself to avoid subsequent hurt.  And then...then, I think about all the ways I've been wronged.  I wallow.  I stew.  But rarely, if ever, do I consider what is right in the perameters of my mind.

And I desperately need a reminder.

Bad attitudes fester.  They become malignant.  Without treatment, they will invade every part of life until it's impossible to see any light at the end of any tunnel.  In fact, it becomes impossible to see the tunnel at all.

It turns my mind to what I know about Him.  That He is good.  That I belong to Him.  And, I hope, it's the reminder I need to put the effort into taking my thoughts captive so I can finally think "right."

Whatever is Pure

...Whatever is Right...

Start at the beginning...

When I started this project, I really didn't think about any of the words that would come after "whatever is true."  I only knew that in order to meditate on something, I had to write through it.  I've stared at the word "right" for two hours now.  Two. Hours.  And what I've accumulated is a list of things that are not right--which is the polar opposite of any verbage that was supposed to make up the bulk of this post.

I guess it's pretty hard to think about what's right if you can't identify what's wrong, though.  And maybe we've spent so much time brushing off or ignoring the wrong that we have no capability to focus on what's right.  Half the time, we can't even identify "the wrong."

And by "we"?  I mean me. 

When I talk about PCOS, I have a difficult time identifying what's actually "wrong" with my body.  I no longer suffer from multiple cysts.  My ovaries appear to be normal in size.  But my body isn't "right."  It doesn't function normally.

And forgive me for making the comparison, but I think that's a good portion of what's wrong with the church collective.  We know something is wrong, but we seem to have a supremely difficult time identifying what needs to be done to fix the wrong.  But rarely do we ever take our focus off what is wrong to see what is right. 

I sat with a congregation this morning and listened to the ways Jesus loved (the love we are supposed to be professing) the community at large, and I understood that a good portion of what is wrong is the fact that we don't understand how right love is.

I'm guilty of loving when it's convenient.  Often, I'll only love people who are lovable.  Sometimes, I love people who are clean.  But when it's inconvenient?  When people are absolutely unlovable?  When they are dirty and smelly and outside of my comfort zone?  Well, then I'm less worried about "the right thing" and more worried about my personal effort.

As much as I cringe when I type it, love means putting personal feelings aside and doing the right thing.  What is the "right thing"?  It means biting sharp tongues and letting what's in the past stay in the past.  It means paying debts.  It means reaching out even if the effort is on your part alone.  But mostly?  I think love means truly pursuing all right avenues--not just as they relate to you.

I'm guilty.  You are, too.  Because love?  Is hard.  Righteousness?  Is hard.  Focusing on either of those things?  Is supremely difficult.

But we weren't called to do anything in our own strength.

And If love binds us all together in perfect unity, how will that ever be anything but right? (Colossians 3:14).

Whatever is Right Part 2

Show Us Your Life: Single Guy Blake

This is Blake in his element.  He's 20, single and one of the best singers I've ever heard.  (And I don't mean best amateur--I mean one of the best.  Period.)  I met Blake when he was a rascally 3 three year old.  We reacquainted ourselves when he was a senior in high school, and now he spends a lot of time with my family because he my cousin's best friend.

Blake is a strong Christian, and one of the funniest guys I know.  He laughs easily, acclimates himself to any and all situations and is a generally amiable personality.

He's been a fun addition to our family gatherings, because he randomly breaks into song.  If you sing with him, be prepared for him to switch parts a hundred different times.  (One time, I moved down to alto so he started singing the melody--in falsetto!)  He and my cousin, Jake, sing quite well together; their harmony never gets old.

In his own words, Blake is looking for this type of girl:

"She has got to have a personal relationship with Jesus, after that its pretty much just finding out if we are eye to eye. Jesus is number one in my life and must be in hers, too." 

Blake is not your run-of-the-mill guy.  He says, "I am probably most known for my sense of humor, but I try to be very thoughtful, kind, and sweet.  I really like/enjoy loving people and doing nice things for them. I am very unique and confident in standing out from the crowd."

If you just want to date, though, Blake isn't your guy.  He believes the dating/courting relationship is for the purpose of finding his wife.  He's not going to play the dating game and break your heart.  It's not his M.O.  Other deal breakers?  Women who don't dress modestly, women who aren't growing in their relationships with Christ, women who aren't encouraging and smokers need not apply.


Otherwise, I believe you'd be pretty blessed to spend time with this guy.  If you are interested in contacting Blake, shoot me an email:  cryshsmn@aol.com.

...Whatever is Noble Part 2...

Whatever is Noble Part 1 (links to Whatever is True can be found here, too)

I drove home from class today trying to do a bit of word association in my head.  Writing about Truth wasn't nearly as difficult as writing about nobility.  That is, until one word hit me smack in the face:  upstanding.

Noble human beings and upstanding human beings are basically the same thing, and there's no shortage of those people in my life.  In our particular set of circumstances, I've been God-blessed with women who pursued my friendship when I probably would've locked myself in a hole and stayed there.

I thought the most difficult thing I would ever face would be infertility.  Then, we dealt with loss.  I know I'm all broken record about those experiences, but that's because I've never been in a situation that left me so void.

When it happened, I didn't know how I was going to face students in the classroom, because there were two weeks of school left before summer vacation.  Thankfully, I have an understanding administrator who knew something was very, very wrong.  Those two weeks at work were hazy.  I stepped away from civilization.  I didn't socialize.  I didn't celebrate summer vacation.  I pretended that nothing was happening when students were not in my classroom.

Except I couldn't seem to shake my friend, Morgan.

My first day back at school, she sought me out and just hugged me.  She didn't say anything, and even though she's not a touchy-feely person, she must've held me for a good ten minutes.  As summer months passed and we found ourselves back in school, she found simple ways to encourage me in my rut--a dinner invitation, a stop by my classroom, a joke.

Into the spring semester of the following year, she was blessed enough to be expecting her first child.  Because this was such a difficult road to navigate, I assumed we would talk less.  Our close relationship would fall victim to circumstance, and that would have to be OK because some things are just beyond my control.

Not Morgan.  She became an example of graciousness in my life--celebrating her pregnancy on one hand, while offering subtle support to someone who struggled to reconcile happiness and grief.  Though I have been around my fair share of obnoxious women, Morgan never made it on that list.  She seemed purposefully aware that I was happy for her, but struggling with my own set of circumstances.  And she never pushed the issue.

My first pregnancy and infant loss awareness day, she left a sweet gift.  It's on the credenza in my living room, and everytime I see it, I'm reminded of the graciousness of others.  To date, she has never forgotten pregnancy and infant loss awareness day:  she always makes time to let me know she's thinking of me.

And on particularly tough days (even now--I have a whole story about struggling through grad school!), she always seems to find her way to my classroom with an idea for dinner or some smart alec comment.

To me, that's the perfect example of an upstanding human being--one who sees others and cares about them so deeply, s/he cannot ignore the situation.

She would never admit that she's done these things.  It's not in her nature to accept praise.  But her example will ring true with me anytime I find myself rich and sitting with someone who is poor. 

It's about living together and giving to one another.  That's the essence of true excellence of character and the definition of noble.

Whatever Is Right

...Whatever is Noble...

Whatever is True Part 1, Part 2, Part 3


I have no difficulty picturing nobility.  I have significant difficulty putting words to that picture.  Essentially, "noble" is "of an exalted moral or mental character or excellence."


On a daily basis, I see students who come from desperately broken homes.  I don't mean they are children of divorce.  I mean they live in homes with people who cannot even spell the word functional.  I see addiction in a hundred different forms--drug abuse, alcohol, cutting, etc.  I see unplanned pregnancy and uneducated choices.  I see people who are hurting and without resources.


But despite all of those things, I think the best part of me comes as the result of my students.  They will teach if people are willing to learn.  They will show if we are willing to see.  And they will definitely talk if we are willing to listen.  


At the beginning of the year, I gave every class their choice of writing prompts.  Every prompt comes back to the same basic principle:  tell me about yourself.  One of the prompts asked students to explain something they were learning/had learned.  I almost choked on my coffee when I read one response (my paraphrase despite the quotes):

"This year, I'm learning about humility.  My dad says it's a lifetime process, but I really want to learn what I can about being humble now."

At fifteen, she gets it, and I think that's excellence of character at its best.


I've watched her since that day in August, and I've noticed a couple of other things about her character.  She consistently treats others with dignity and kindness.  She takes responsibility for her mistakes, owns the consequences of those mistakes and continuously asks for forgiveness or pardon.


She's fifteen, and I want to be her when I grow up.


I don't know what she will accomplish when she is 30.  I do know that God is using her now.  Because she aspires to moral excellence, He is taking her down roads most of us don't navigate for another 5-10 years.  Does it mean she's reached perfection?  Unlikely.  And also unnecessary.  God doesn't ask for perfection; He asks for a willing heart.


And if a willing heart isn't noble, I don't know what is.

Whatever Is Noble Part 2