According to the program on my phone, I've spent 4 hours and 30 minutes of the last week walking/running. That's 270 minutes dedicated to an activity I despised and swore I would never do. Not even to save myself from a violent crime.
Somewhere, I hear the cackle of my former PE teacher turned coworker.
I was initiated into this running club by a 7 inch blister on the back of my foot that I swore would callous if I could just keep walking. So I bought NuSkin, bandaids and wrapped my foot to keep the rubbing to a minimum. That particular jaunt ended with me walking barefoot on one foot with a bleeding heel until I could make it to the car. The CCL offered to piggy back me--that's how nasty it looked. And believe me. It didn't feel any better than it looked. I limped for days.
But all of that is beside the point. The point is that God is using running to teach me about The Needing. Well, actually, God has used everything in my current path to converge on me with a lesson about needing so powerfully that I found myself face down on my floor crying out to Him this afternoon.
When I look at my surroundings, I'm struck by how little we really need God to move. Few of us really depend on Him for our daily bread and become the ultimate problem solvers when it comes to encountering temptation. We pray for His kingdom to come on Sunday but seem to lose all real conviction the power and the glory that could work in our lives to bring Him praise any other day of the week.
We circle mountains and circle mountains and circle mountains living our lives of "quiet desperation" as Thoreau once said. But never once do we...er, I...entertain the idea that my quiet desperation is a crying out for His presence.
Well, I didn't. Until I started running.
The experience of running has been a nutty thing for me. My legs may hurt, but I could honestly run a couple of miles except for the hinderance of my lungs. In protest of this activity, my lungs refuse to process air. Instead, my mouth takes it in and my lungs politely declare an unwillingness to expand for said air. It's awesome. And by awesome, I mean ridiculously panic inducing. There's nothing worse than feeling suffocated--real, lack-of-oxygen suffocation.
My running partners (and my own sense of determination) have worked hard at pushing my boundaries. More often than not, my brain hits panic mode and demands that I quit in order to breathe. God used that opportunity to speak to me.
(I never want to speak *for* God, but the following is what took place in my heart during a particularly grueling session. It wasn't out loud; however, it was very, very real.)
God: Don't quit.
Me: I can't keep going. I need to breathe. My lungs can't get enough air. I can't keep going like this; I'll pass out.
God: Ask Me. Ask for My Strength. You need Me for your next breath.
In my life of self-help-quiet-desperation, I never considered how deeply I have needed Him. I've circled mountains with no hope of finding an end.
Then I heard Him say, "You've circled this mountain long enough; turn north" (Deuteronomy 2:3).
North didn't mean those things dropped out of sight or magically disappeared. North has been a place of complete and total dependence on His capability alone.
It's running and depending on Him for my next breath.
So in the near future, I'm praying for a Needing that will grip my heart and not let go. If running is the only thing that reminds me to Need, it will become a daily part of my routine.
Feel free to hold my hand on this trip.
We're heading north to find streams in the wasteland (Isaiah 43).
(Thoughts? Comments? Every blogger appreciates feedback.)
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
He Is My Light, My Strength, My Song
Christ began to speak to my heart about community more than five years ago, but it's been recently that He's chosen to smother my physical and mental being with the same.message.from.twenty.different.mouths.
Community.
It means I don't have any excuse to be a curmugeonly recluse--which is my heart's tendency.
But it also means I've been neglecting things here a bit because community is chasing my heart into submission. (And I've become a sorta runner. I promise there are hilarious stories and gross pictures of the back of my foot in your future.)
I promise I have a lot of things to say. I promise Jesus has been speaking to my heart and doing works in my life that are nothing short of miraculous.
And I'll be sharing those things all through the month of July.
So stay tuned.
I'll be back after the birthday festivities (which are in full swing tomorrow).
Until then, pray for my church, my community and my family. My heart is full of the understanding that our answers are in Christ Alone.
Community.
It means I don't have any excuse to be a curmugeonly recluse--which is my heart's tendency.
But it also means I've been neglecting things here a bit because community is chasing my heart into submission. (And I've become a sorta runner. I promise there are hilarious stories and gross pictures of the back of my foot in your future.)
I promise I have a lot of things to say. I promise Jesus has been speaking to my heart and doing works in my life that are nothing short of miraculous.
And I'll be sharing those things all through the month of July.
So stay tuned.
I'll be back after the birthday festivities (which are in full swing tomorrow).
Until then, pray for my church, my community and my family. My heart is full of the understanding that our answers are in Christ Alone.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
A Rant Interrupted
This morning, I weighed. After three solid weeks of watching what I eat and exercising consistently for the last two, I'm stuck in the cycle of gaining and losing the same two pounds over. And over. And over again.
So I planned to come here and write a rant about how ridiculous and overrated this whole Made to Crave nonsense is and how it really helped for the first weeks, but it hasn't made a lick of difference overall. I even worked part of it out in my head and planned to whine about PCOS with a renewed vigor found only on a grade school playground.
But...
I can't do that now. I can't rant because God brought a scripture to my remembrance that identified this ridiculous cycle for me: "be transformed by the renewing of your mind" (Romans 12:2).
This is where the rubber meets the road. At this stage in the game, I would declare weight loss ridiculous, quit my efforts and drown my sorrows in a bucket of carbs that would shame Panera into the ground. Then I would've called my mother and my husband and made them commiserate with me to the point of tears. (I may or may not have done that last thing before the scripture was brought to my attention.)
But Romans identified a cycle I have ignored in the past. I lost my sense of determination because I was caught up in the idea that my sacrifice deserved, not just a return, but an immediate return. So I prayed in the car that Christ would continue to draw my heart to servanthood for His glory. And, again, I asked Him to remind me of Philippians 3:19: "Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things." I don't want to find glory and indulge in the temporal. And I know that means dedicating myself to permanent changes that will result in some awesome, albeit sometimes delayed, returns.
But ultimately, these things are leading to a servant's heart. Isn't that whole point of sacrifice?
(For Women's Bible Study ladies who may read: Isn't this just reassurance that it really is God's kindness that leads us to repentance? I was caught off-guard by it, and thankful that He is gracious enough to point out the cycle for the sake of real change and repentance.)
So I planned to come here and write a rant about how ridiculous and overrated this whole Made to Crave nonsense is and how it really helped for the first weeks, but it hasn't made a lick of difference overall. I even worked part of it out in my head and planned to whine about PCOS with a renewed vigor found only on a grade school playground.
But...
I can't do that now. I can't rant because God brought a scripture to my remembrance that identified this ridiculous cycle for me: "be transformed by the renewing of your mind" (Romans 12:2).
This is where the rubber meets the road. At this stage in the game, I would declare weight loss ridiculous, quit my efforts and drown my sorrows in a bucket of carbs that would shame Panera into the ground. Then I would've called my mother and my husband and made them commiserate with me to the point of tears. (I may or may not have done that last thing before the scripture was brought to my attention.)
But Romans identified a cycle I have ignored in the past. I lost my sense of determination because I was caught up in the idea that my sacrifice deserved, not just a return, but an immediate return. So I prayed in the car that Christ would continue to draw my heart to servanthood for His glory. And, again, I asked Him to remind me of Philippians 3:19: "Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things." I don't want to find glory and indulge in the temporal. And I know that means dedicating myself to permanent changes that will result in some awesome, albeit sometimes delayed, returns.
But ultimately, these things are leading to a servant's heart. Isn't that whole point of sacrifice?
(For Women's Bible Study ladies who may read: Isn't this just reassurance that it really is God's kindness that leads us to repentance? I was caught off-guard by it, and thankful that He is gracious enough to point out the cycle for the sake of real change and repentance.)
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Satisfying My WHOLE Self--Made to Crave
When the CCL asked me to join this Made to Crave class, I didn't have high hopes for what would come out of meeting with a bunch of women I didn't know. Frankly, I assumed being in more Bible study would be good for my parched soul, but I did not anticipate losing one pound. So I readily signed up and committed to join her in our journey through Nehemiah.
I didn't know that God and all his heavenly glory would converge on me with a singular message that would be pounded into my body with more persistence than a teenage boy's bass: What's your purpose?
If running is for the sake of running, what good is it? If weight loss is just to fit into a smaller size or get healthier, what's it worth?
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I'd gotten that I can't just go to church, sing a song or memorize scripture in order to fulfill an obligation. Those things were specifically to bring glory to God and align my heart with His. But nothing about my eating habits or exercise goals fit within the framework of kingdom goals.
In group yesterday, a scripture on the opposite side of the page from a few weeks ago caught my eye:
I didn't know that God and all his heavenly glory would converge on me with a singular message that would be pounded into my body with more persistence than a teenage boy's bass: What's your purpose?
If running is for the sake of running, what good is it? If weight loss is just to fit into a smaller size or get healthier, what's it worth?
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I'd gotten that I can't just go to church, sing a song or memorize scripture in order to fulfill an obligation. Those things were specifically to bring glory to God and align my heart with His. But nothing about my eating habits or exercise goals fit within the framework of kingdom goals.
In group yesterday, a scripture on the opposite side of the page from a few weeks ago caught my eye:
For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live
as enemies of the cross of Christ. their destiny is desruction, their god is their
stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things.
--Philippians 3:18-19
TerKeurst follows that scripture with commentary: "Paul reprimands those whose lives are self-indulgent rather than self-sacrificing. By claiming the benefits of the cross but denying its power in their lives, he says they se tthe stage for their own destruction" (Made to Crave Participant's Guide 56).
For me, identifying self indulgence or selfishness is a little more obvious when it involves money or serving others. But when it involves food? That can't apply, can it?
But right there where I couldn't ignore it, I saw something--"...their god is their stomach..."
A life of service--of self denial--is one whole life, not a person fragmented into parts where Jesus applies here but doesn't apply here.
And I'm just now figuring it out.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Let My Life Song Sing Part 2
Part One
Last night, I dreamed it again. I was in a sloppy sweatshirt and some pair of stretchy pants walking down my driveway. I was lost, or at least I felt like I was lost, and I was looking for Favorite. I kept saying his name and sobbing because I couldn't find him. And then I was aware of a suffocating emptiness.
When I wake up, I know it's not a dream. I can relay the emotions of that day and the days before with alarming clarity. I don't necessarily remember events in sequence, but I haven't forgotten the way it felt. In short: suffocation.
The real days that followed might as well have been a dream--hazy, undecipherable nonsense. I cried and learned, for the first time, that not all tears are satisfying. They came in unpredicable, seizured outbursts--a response to pain I couldn't identify or treat. If I could've spent them like currency, I would've bankrupted myself in the first few hours with the hope of washing my hands. Finished. But they budgeted themselves. And even now, they demand to be used as payment when I believe the account to be empty.
My prayers were wordless sobs.
Then there was the antagonistic swirling in my mind.
If I shouldn't fear and if I belonged to Him, why did this happen? He could've stopped it. Almighty God holds dominion over death; therefore, this situation didn't need to exist.
Since it does, what now, God? What do I do now?
Then there was that story: the disciples were on the water; Jesus was sleeping. There was a huge storm. Waves swept over the boat. In a panic, the men woke Jesus and (I imagine) yelled, "Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!" (Matt 8:25).
On the black and white pages of scripture, my prayer existed. We were drowning.
I whispered that prayer before laying my head on my pillow. I whispered it when I got up in the morning and when I brushed my teeth. I whispered it on the drive to work, when I turned off the ignition or took another breath before walking into my classroom. I whispered it before every church service and after every song. It was every inhalation and exhalation of my body.
Lord. Save us. We're going to drown.
One evening, when the tears were spent for the time being, I opened the Word to read my life verse. I needed reassurances because I was drowning in grief. Instead of starting in verse one, my eyes drifted to verse two of Isaiah 43:
Last night, I dreamed it again. I was in a sloppy sweatshirt and some pair of stretchy pants walking down my driveway. I was lost, or at least I felt like I was lost, and I was looking for Favorite. I kept saying his name and sobbing because I couldn't find him. And then I was aware of a suffocating emptiness.
When I wake up, I know it's not a dream. I can relay the emotions of that day and the days before with alarming clarity. I don't necessarily remember events in sequence, but I haven't forgotten the way it felt. In short: suffocation.
The real days that followed might as well have been a dream--hazy, undecipherable nonsense. I cried and learned, for the first time, that not all tears are satisfying. They came in unpredicable, seizured outbursts--a response to pain I couldn't identify or treat. If I could've spent them like currency, I would've bankrupted myself in the first few hours with the hope of washing my hands. Finished. But they budgeted themselves. And even now, they demand to be used as payment when I believe the account to be empty.
My prayers were wordless sobs.
Then there was the antagonistic swirling in my mind.
If I shouldn't fear and if I belonged to Him, why did this happen? He could've stopped it. Almighty God holds dominion over death; therefore, this situation didn't need to exist.
Since it does, what now, God? What do I do now?
Then there was that story: the disciples were on the water; Jesus was sleeping. There was a huge storm. Waves swept over the boat. In a panic, the men woke Jesus and (I imagine) yelled, "Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!" (Matt 8:25).
On the black and white pages of scripture, my prayer existed. We were drowning.
I whispered that prayer before laying my head on my pillow. I whispered it when I got up in the morning and when I brushed my teeth. I whispered it on the drive to work, when I turned off the ignition or took another breath before walking into my classroom. I whispered it before every church service and after every song. It was every inhalation and exhalation of my body.
Lord. Save us. We're going to drown.
One evening, when the tears were spent for the time being, I opened the Word to read my life verse. I needed reassurances because I was drowning in grief. Instead of starting in verse one, my eyes drifted to verse two of Isaiah 43:
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
I prayed, "Lord, we're drowning. Save us from drowning."
He responded, "I'm here. I see the water. But you're not going to drown."
Those moments are replete with an intense needing. I can remember the water and the waves and I dream about the suffocation and the needing and the desperation.
Some days I think about those waves and how scared I was when we were just trying to keep the boat afloat. I think about His direct response to a specific prayer and I wonder why I don't spend more time in the river laying my heart bare in front of Him.
"We didn't count on suffering
We didn't count on pain
But if the blessing's in the valley
Then in the river I will wait"
We didn't count on pain
But if the blessing's in the valley
Then in the river I will wait"
--Delirious, "Find Me in the River"
I'm waiting here. For You.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Let My Life Song Sing Part 1
For the past few weeks, PastorJosh has been encouraging us to think about our Life Verses. Currently, my Life Verse is looking a whole lot more like a Life Chapter because God continues to speak new Truths out of the same segment of scripture. Apparently I'm supposed to be learning that all this stuff is tied together. (Who knew?!)
A few years ago, I had never even heard of the concept of a Life Verse. When Beth Moore shared it during one of our women's studies, I was confused as to how one determined which verse was "the one." Did you just pick one you really liked? Did someone else choose it for you? Would it come out of a fortune cookie?
Mine came as a response to struggle. My struggle? Worthlessness.
I have always had difficulty feeling like I was good enough. I've never believed I was pretty enough. Or smart enough. Or thin enough. And those feelings of less than have carried over into a good number of my personal involvements.
I struggle to lose weight because I don't believe my body is capable of doing it. I have difficulty with school because I am constantly comparing myself to the people around me which results in insecurity in my intelligence. I am forever feeling like I don't measure up at work because I'm not as creative/determined/scheduled/prepared/conventional as I should be.
So when Satan attacks my life, he generally does it through self worth.
"They don't like you because they know who you really are, Crys."
"You are fat because you are a loser. You'll always look this way, you know."
"It doesn't matter how many hours you devote to the job. You'll never be excellent at this."
"You might as well get used to being mediocre. That's all you'll ever really be."
"They're really only tolerating you. You are such an annoyance to everyone here."
They are harsh statements. But I have mostly believed them. And I can tell you that losing our child was the nail in the worthlessness coffin. It was one more thing I couldn't do. One of our most basic, primal abilities as women and one more example of failure in my life.
It was official. I sucked.
During Believing God, one of the things we were supposed to remind ourselves of was this: "I am who God says I am." But all of these things (and then some) were the very reasons I was struggling to believe God had already defined me as more than a conqueror. My life seemed to breed failure and I was terrified I would never really be of value to God.
When fear was addressed in one of our studies, I made it my mission to look up several verses that included the words "fear not." (There are so many of them in the Bible. Don't believe me? Do a biblegateway.com search.) I read through them until I got to Isaiah 43:1: "Now, this is what the Lord says, the one who created you, O Jacob, and formed you, O Israel: 'Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine.'"
It was my deepest fear recorded in the middle of scripture. I was (it's still a struggle) terrified I would never be the person God had called me to be. I had screwed up one too many times. I would continue failing Him in the most monstrous ways possible. I? Wasn't worth the breath He gave me.
But when I read that scripture, I felt like God was starting a personal conversation with me. Me. The person least worthy of His personal attentions.
That conversation hit me in the places I needed it most. He began by addressing my fear, and reminding me of His enduring, redemptive presence in my life. Then, by calling my name, He basically indicated He knows me. He doesn't just know my name--He knows my true self...the things I hide and the internal struggles. And his response to all that mess? I belong to Him.
Intrinsically, don't we all want to belong? This verse, more than anything, has been a reminder that I belong to someone who is willing to redeem and claim me.
It hasn't been magic. I still struggle to believe those things and often find myself repeating those words. Just because something is True doesn't mean we automatically believe. But I know there is freedom for captives through the words of scripture, and I have committed myself to a belief that I am who He says I am even when that seems like the most ridiculous premise available.
A few years ago, I had never even heard of the concept of a Life Verse. When Beth Moore shared it during one of our women's studies, I was confused as to how one determined which verse was "the one." Did you just pick one you really liked? Did someone else choose it for you? Would it come out of a fortune cookie?
Mine came as a response to struggle. My struggle? Worthlessness.
I have always had difficulty feeling like I was good enough. I've never believed I was pretty enough. Or smart enough. Or thin enough. And those feelings of less than have carried over into a good number of my personal involvements.
I struggle to lose weight because I don't believe my body is capable of doing it. I have difficulty with school because I am constantly comparing myself to the people around me which results in insecurity in my intelligence. I am forever feeling like I don't measure up at work because I'm not as creative/determined/scheduled/prepared/conventional as I should be.
So when Satan attacks my life, he generally does it through self worth.
"They don't like you because they know who you really are, Crys."
"You are fat because you are a loser. You'll always look this way, you know."
"It doesn't matter how many hours you devote to the job. You'll never be excellent at this."
"You might as well get used to being mediocre. That's all you'll ever really be."
"They're really only tolerating you. You are such an annoyance to everyone here."
They are harsh statements. But I have mostly believed them. And I can tell you that losing our child was the nail in the worthlessness coffin. It was one more thing I couldn't do. One of our most basic, primal abilities as women and one more example of failure in my life.
It was official. I sucked.
During Believing God, one of the things we were supposed to remind ourselves of was this: "I am who God says I am." But all of these things (and then some) were the very reasons I was struggling to believe God had already defined me as more than a conqueror. My life seemed to breed failure and I was terrified I would never really be of value to God.
When fear was addressed in one of our studies, I made it my mission to look up several verses that included the words "fear not." (There are so many of them in the Bible. Don't believe me? Do a biblegateway.com search.) I read through them until I got to Isaiah 43:1: "Now, this is what the Lord says, the one who created you, O Jacob, and formed you, O Israel: 'Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine.'"
It was my deepest fear recorded in the middle of scripture. I was (it's still a struggle) terrified I would never be the person God had called me to be. I had screwed up one too many times. I would continue failing Him in the most monstrous ways possible. I? Wasn't worth the breath He gave me.
But when I read that scripture, I felt like God was starting a personal conversation with me. Me. The person least worthy of His personal attentions.
That conversation hit me in the places I needed it most. He began by addressing my fear, and reminding me of His enduring, redemptive presence in my life. Then, by calling my name, He basically indicated He knows me. He doesn't just know my name--He knows my true self...the things I hide and the internal struggles. And his response to all that mess? I belong to Him.
Intrinsically, don't we all want to belong? This verse, more than anything, has been a reminder that I belong to someone who is willing to redeem and claim me.
It hasn't been magic. I still struggle to believe those things and often find myself repeating those words. Just because something is True doesn't mean we automatically believe. But I know there is freedom for captives through the words of scripture, and I have committed myself to a belief that I am who He says I am even when that seems like the most ridiculous premise available.
---------------------
I'll continue this series with the ways God has spoken to me through the words of Isaiah 43.
Next up: A specific and direct answer to prayer.
--------------------
Do you have a Life Verse? How did you find it? I'm interested in the ways God speaks to His people.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
The CrazyCowLady
I'm running a 5K.
Since I hate running with the fiery passion of one thousand suns, this wasn't really part of the "the plan." (Though, I'm currently realizing that whatever semblance of "plan" I had going on is collapsing around me.) And it wasn't really my idea.
See, I have this friend. Since it's her life ambition to ride a cow, we're going to refer to her as the CrazyCowLady or CCL for short. We're adding "crazy" to the beginning of this sentence because the CCL has this impeccable way of jumping in feet first and totally believing everything is going to be fantastic. Forget glasses and water. This girl sees life through a kaleidoscope.
And, to be realistic, this thing didn't really start with a 5K. It started with Bible study. All I did was offer to help her organize the Women's Bible Study for the summer. I had some ideas and I'm used to handling the administrative side of things. She agreed and it was pretty smooth sailing. (And a blast. She's hilarious, ya'll.)
Then she asked me to go to another class with her; her step-mom was teaching Made to Crave on Monday nights and we could go together. We could encourage each other! We'll lose weight! It'll be awesome! Almost every woman who has taken this class has lost 30 lbs!
I had read Made to Crave and believed that the accountability of a group would be a good thing (and I have a lot of free time in the summer) so I agreed to go with her. And, truthfully, it has been a good thing. We're both working with the LoseIt! app on our phones (joined by my mom and my aunt) and there has definitely been a lot of encouragement and accountability that has come out of the first two weeks of this book.
Right now, our word is "Determination." That's been a rough one for me. There have been a litany of circumstances that have demanded determination in my life, but sheer distrust in my ability and hatred for my body usually come out ahead.
But the CCL? Believes that having a buddy cancels out all negativity. Which led us to a 5K.
Yesterday, I got a text:
CCL: I want to sign up for the Color Run...Think about doing it with me! PLEASE!
Me: You're killing me.
CCL: Listen, it won't be hot, we can have a fun weekend and we have a long time to train. We can walk/run!! Come on, Friend. It's a good goal!
Me: You'd be an awesome drug dealer.
CCL: LOL! You can't stall life. We can walk it/run it. It will be so fun.
Me: Right. Fun is not a worry I have. Dying while doing something I hate? Different story.
CCL: You won't die. I promise. The odds are good we can do it. Come on buddy!!
Me: (sigh that wasn't a part of the text) Ok. I'm in.
CCL: Woo Hoo! I'm so proud of you!
And that's how ended up committing myself to the Color Run in Memphis, TN. My goal is to be able to run at least half the race, but we'll be training to run the whole thing. Thankfully, walking is acceptable.
You ever had a friend like the CCL? One you didn't know you needed until God slapped her in your life? Tell me about her. Reassure me that I'm not the only one :)
Since I hate running with the fiery passion of one thousand suns, this wasn't really part of the "the plan." (Though, I'm currently realizing that whatever semblance of "plan" I had going on is collapsing around me.) And it wasn't really my idea.
See, I have this friend. Since it's her life ambition to ride a cow, we're going to refer to her as the CrazyCowLady or CCL for short. We're adding "crazy" to the beginning of this sentence because the CCL has this impeccable way of jumping in feet first and totally believing everything is going to be fantastic. Forget glasses and water. This girl sees life through a kaleidoscope.
And, to be realistic, this thing didn't really start with a 5K. It started with Bible study. All I did was offer to help her organize the Women's Bible Study for the summer. I had some ideas and I'm used to handling the administrative side of things. She agreed and it was pretty smooth sailing. (And a blast. She's hilarious, ya'll.)
Then she asked me to go to another class with her; her step-mom was teaching Made to Crave on Monday nights and we could go together. We could encourage each other! We'll lose weight! It'll be awesome! Almost every woman who has taken this class has lost 30 lbs!
I had read Made to Crave and believed that the accountability of a group would be a good thing (and I have a lot of free time in the summer) so I agreed to go with her. And, truthfully, it has been a good thing. We're both working with the LoseIt! app on our phones (joined by my mom and my aunt) and there has definitely been a lot of encouragement and accountability that has come out of the first two weeks of this book.
Right now, our word is "Determination." That's been a rough one for me. There have been a litany of circumstances that have demanded determination in my life, but sheer distrust in my ability and hatred for my body usually come out ahead.
But the CCL? Believes that having a buddy cancels out all negativity. Which led us to a 5K.
Yesterday, I got a text:
CCL: I want to sign up for the Color Run...Think about doing it with me! PLEASE!
Me: You're killing me.
CCL: Listen, it won't be hot, we can have a fun weekend and we have a long time to train. We can walk/run!! Come on, Friend. It's a good goal!
Me: You'd be an awesome drug dealer.
CCL: LOL! You can't stall life. We can walk it/run it. It will be so fun.
Me: Right. Fun is not a worry I have. Dying while doing something I hate? Different story.
CCL: You won't die. I promise. The odds are good we can do it. Come on buddy!!
Me: (sigh that wasn't a part of the text) Ok. I'm in.
CCL: Woo Hoo! I'm so proud of you!
And that's how ended up committing myself to the Color Run in Memphis, TN. My goal is to be able to run at least half the race, but we'll be training to run the whole thing. Thankfully, walking is acceptable.
You ever had a friend like the CCL? One you didn't know you needed until God slapped her in your life? Tell me about her. Reassure me that I'm not the only one :)
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