A Dose of Reality

Just last week, I talked about the good place I've been inhabiting.  There's been a lot of "new" here.  A lot of blessing.  A new realization of who I am in Christ and my calling to depend on Him for every breath.  There are encouraging people.  And a whole new list of people who are dedicating themselves to healthier lifestyles.

It's been six weeks of adequate progress.  We're running more on each outing.  We're exercising 5-6 days a week (usually).  I'm learning to make better food choices, I stay within a calorie budget and I log food and exercise on a daily basis.

But when people come here, I don't want them to get the idea that we started this journey and it's been nothing but sunshine and roses ever since.  There are setbacks.  PCOS is still a factor that means I gain and lose the same two lbs for a few days.  Two steps forward, one step back.  Some weeks don't allow for six days of running.  This week I even took two days off in a row--something I haven't done since we started running a few weeks ago.

It means that the next run is harder.  Breath doesn't come as easily.  Legs are sore.  We did two miles yesterday, and I couldn't run half as much in the last half mile as I did for the first six laps.  I'd like to tell you I was proud of the progress I had made, but I was mostly disappointed at how far I have to go.

The day of the disappointing weigh-in is frustrating.  Sometimes there's a reason I'm two pounds up.  Sometimes that's just the step back for the week.  Most days I can keep that weight in perspective.  This isn't, after all, a journey simply about weight loss.  It's about sacrificing my wants and desires to the heart of Christ alone.  Some days all I can think about is the weight I have to lose and the sacrifice seems too steep.

There are outings when that sacrifice doesn't happen.  Bachelor parties and birthdays.  Family meals and dinners out.  My choices are a hundred times better than they have been, but sometimes even the best choices in a given sitting are not the best choices overall.

I'm learning these things.  I'm struggling with these things.  This sense of dedication hasn't been without its frustrations.  On those days, I pray through gritted teeth and ask for progress so I don't lose my resolve.

Right now, I'm just grateful to say there are fewer gritted teeth days than there have been in the past.  Though today might be one of them.