The Elusive Priority

One of my great gifts is an ability to make almost anything more difficult than it has to be.  So when I say Christianity is simplistic, that's from a purely intellectual standpoint.  Practice is more difficult--probably because I think far too much about how I should act and then end up acting viscerally instead of according to my belief (which, unfortunately, is not yet that ingrained).

 

This action (inaction?!) is a pattern.  It is one of the main reasons I started leading women's Bible study (for consistency in study and relationship) and likely the reason I need to eliminate outside influences (topix, anyone?) that may not impact other people.  When I miss that stead influence and allow those outside influences play time, I see a significant decline in my attitude and more paralysis in my Christian action.

 

So it stands to reason that I would know what to change when I feel that paralysis creeping up my neck, but, oddly, I don't.  I don't know what I am supposed to be doing despite the fact that I know I belong where I am.

 

A friend told me once that education shouldn't necessarily be a Christian priority.  That thought has been in the back of my mind this entire school year...

• because I believe education can have a beneficial effect on the masses
• because I want my sons to be able to reason through situations instead of simply swallowing someone else's lecture
• because my union is currently fighting a Tier Two salary schedule I fear will impact the type of education students at my school would receive.

 

Should these things be a priority for me?  I honestly don't know, and I don't see a lot of clear examples to illuminate the path.

 

That issue alone would be enough.  But it's rare any person gets to handle one situation at a time so I find myself, as I've said, in this bizarre "in between" place.

 

My word for the year is gratitude.  Like last year's word, "peace," gratitude should be a fairly easy concept to navigate.  After all, there is so much for which to be grateful--my little miracles, Ryan and Eli, in particular.  In the midst of all that baby excitement, though, are the situations that cloud that same sense of gratitude.

 

I'm not writing this because I have conclusions, but rather due to my lack of them.  That's what writing used to do for me--in the days before I started panicking that my kitchen was a mess and neurotically cleaning before bed.  Priorities, y'all.

 

But seriously, PRIORITIES...

• for Christian action
• for consistency in study (and maybe revisiting the idea of a study group?)
• for a balanced view of education

 

But mostly?  For gratitude--in all seasons.

 

And maybe for grace to navigate the in between until everything is a bit more clear.

 

(If you read, forgive the lack of clarity.  My pregnant brain struggles to put one coherent thought together, so it's precarious to write anything at the end of the day.)