Tuesday, October 15, 2013

October 15th: To Remember

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.

This year should feel different for me because 2013 has been a big year for us.  What I'm about to tell you doesn't change how blessed I feel to have Ryan, though:  we still hurt.

Favorite and I both believed we would feel differently about loss after we held Ryan in our arms, but I think the truth is that loss is more poignant now.  We are aware of what we missed--what we are still missing.

My life is no longer saddled in grief.  I don't agonize over what could have been.  But I am aware of what was and what is, and that awareness is often a daily realization.  I think that's why days like this are so important.  We need to remember.  Remembrance is the very thing that changes the core of who we become in response to pain.

In recent years, I've become aware of how common miscarriage is.  The statistics say twenty-five percent.  My experience says either the statistics are wrong, or I am surrounded by all twenty-five percent.  Each of these situations has been different.  Some have handled the loss very privately, some openly, some with tears, others with shrugged shoulders.  What I've realized, however, is these were all tangible losses--even when that isn't obvious to the observer.

So I remember.  I remember the blessing and the joy and the excitement.  And I remember in order to respond with compassion, forgiveness and grace.

1 comment:

Ms. Hays said...

When we're not expecting to be expecting,
shrugged shoulders often seem like the likely response.
How can we miss something we didn't know we had?
So we shrug it off.

Then someone is expecting the month before, the month after, the week of, the day of,
So we continue paying our dues long after our due date –
Each year the day we have come to expect to have been expecting approaches and passes.
Each year a moment to reflect on what was, what might have been, and what is.