On Friendship

I miss her.  That's enough of a reminder that even the best of decisions come with negative consequences.

There were a lot of reasons we shouldn't have been compatible.  We're both loud and opinionated.  I was a bit of a recluse and she had no idea how to sit at home.  She was a runner (or at least a former runner).  I believed running would be best left to chase scenes in movies (and seriously reconsidered then).

But for a lot of reasons, she encouraged me to push beyond previously held boundaries.  She was just as excited to find out I was pregnant as my family was.  She called me after every.single.doctor's.appointment.  (Seriously.  How do you even keep on track of those things?)  And I'm pretty sure she wanted to snuggle Ryan as much as I did.

She had her faults.  (I probably have a few extras.)  Some people believed those faults were glaring enough to discount her, but for me?  She was the friend I needed when I needed one.  For some reason, I get the idea I fulfilled that role for her, too.  And that type of friendship is hard to overlook.  It demands a loyalty I can't and won't attempt to explain.

I never presumed her decisions would be easy, and I told her as much.  Even now, I think and rethink the boundaries that were set and try to determine how things could've been different.

But I miss her all the same.