The Bigger Picture

Last year was a strange year.  It was a year of firsts for Chris and I--some good and some not so good.  It was a year I don't entirely want to put behind me (like 2009), but the difficulties we faced in 2010 created deep bruises that may not heal in the near future.  On the upside, we built a home together and learned more about each other than we ever would've in any other circumstances.

My heart is tender for 2011.  God has really been speaking to me about the focus of my life.  Because of the things we did in 2010, much of my time was spent focusing on my own bruises or successes.  It's time to move on.

Clearly, life is not about me.  It's about a Creator who sees us through when we don't even think we can breathe.  When I sat down to write this, Joseph's words to his brothers came to my mind:  "I am Joseph your brother whom you sold into Egypt. But don't feel badly, don't blame yourselves for selling me. God was behind it. God sent me here ahead of you to save lives" (Genesis 45:4, The Message).

And those are my thoughts for 2010--what may have been considered harm, God means for good.  If nothing else, it has made me less self-centered.  Last year, I spent a lot of time thinking about myself and my situation.  It's made me less materialistic.  We are like a vapor, and it's so necessary to focus on the things that matter.

Sure, I still like to hunt for the perfect pieces of furniture for my house (Speaking of, bought an AWESOME credenza online.  Solid wood.  Looks just like the one I picked out in a furniture store--but was $800 cheaper).  I still take "me" time.  But I'm trying to be more in tune with others.  I'm trying to show up and call just because I know it matters.  I'm trying to be a better friend, a better co-worker and a better wife.  I'm trying to say thank-you every time and you're welcome when I hear those words myself.  I'm trying to hand out more praise--particularly when people have really been putting in an awesome effort.  I'm trying to smile more and compliment often.

So far, I haven't lost any weight.  This sudden burst of concern for others also hasn't cleared any acne scarring.  But my heart is amazingly whole.  So I'm going to try to make it overflow.

"I will proclaim the name of the LORD.

Oh, praise the greatness of our God!"

--Deuteronomy 32:3

First Half is a Hope; Second Half for Teachers

I can't lie to you.  I'm trying to blog, but all I'm thinking about is snow.  Snow, baby, snow.  Because if it snows hard enough, I get to sleep in.  And I like sleeping in.  A lot.  And I can spend tomorrow getting house stuff together and mopping my bathroom floor so I can pick up the glass.

What glass?

Well, the glass from the mirror Favorite and I let fall off the wall.  Yes it happened.  No, we should not reference or discuss the incident ever again.  The good news is there was minimal (superficial and non-noticeable) damage except to the mirror.  The mirror is no more.  But it had black spots in it so I don't see this as an issue except we won't be able to get our money back.  Oh well.  Worse things have happened.

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You teachers out there...if you had the opportunity to create a class for Senior level students who are in a Title I program (lower reading capabilities, lower writing capabilities--probably 10th grade and lower), what would you do?  Keep in mind that your options are completely open.  You can focus on technical writing or reading.  You can introduce critical thinking skills or organization in writing skills.  Just leave your thoughts in the comments.

I am struggling to offer suggestions to my department chair because I know that many of these students will not go to college.  They are required (in my state) to take four years of English to graduate.  Yet I realize that some of them will actually go to college.

I want to expose them to books they will find enjoyable.  I want them to see that there are benefits to being a good reader.  I want to expose them to different types of writing so they can see that writing matters.  But I'm not really sure how to do any of this stuff.  My greatest fear is that we will create a curriculum of stuff they "need" without making it pertinent or interesting.

All feedback welcome...encouraged...begged for...

Hello, Captain Obvious

Do not do something stupid knowing it's my job to keep you in check and then mouth about how I called you out on your stupid behavior.  Seriously.

And learn to conduct yourself in public.  Fifteen or not, now is the time to learn how to be around other people without being a general annoyance.

Oh, and diplomacy, a skill you won't have to employ for another 5 years (because we apparently don't require high school students to act with any), means you can sit in a room with someone you don't like without causing problems.  I've managed to do it and it hasn't even affected your grade.

That's all.

Wednesday Musings

I don't know if this will become a weekly thing, but I thought I'd give you a brief glance into the things that run through my mind over the course of a day.

*  I've become "that" teacher.  It wasn't something I did on purpose, but while explaining the concept of "pun" to my classes, I might have suggested that Shakespeare laid the ground work that allows the phrase "That's what she said" to be born.  My students thought that was hilarious, but I did not in any way encourage them to add that phrase to the end of every sentence.  Just covering my rear end.

*  I might have also introduced the Crazy/Hot scale to my students.  In all fairness, we discussed how Lady Macbeth far exceeded the Crazy/Hot scale...so it was classroom appropriate (and it was a teachable moment.  Who doesn't need good dating advice?!).

*  I hate my arms.  I've been contemplating rejoining Weight Watchers and getting another good look at my arms this evening just reminded me of the necessity of that membership.  Don't get me wrong, my thighs and stomach are fat, too.  I guess I can just deal their obesity better than my expanding upper arms.  Gross.

*  I love notebooks and pens.  I cannot explain my overwhelming affection for office supplies.

*  I found a specific pair of pants at Kohl's that I really love and I would buy them in EVERY color if Kohl's would offer more colors.

*  Shoes are awesome, but I always want my shoes to have a feminine element.  I don't want to wear "manish" shoes.  I don't really care what that says about me.

*  I'm not doing anything spectacular at the moment, but I'm really feeling good about being a teacher.  I still have a lot to learn and I'm still not fantastic about anticipating how much we'll actually get through in a given class period, but I feel like the students are getting what I'm laying down.  Of course, a few more lessons with "That's what she said" and the Crazy/Hot scale and I'll never lose their attention.

*  Barnes and Noble still haven't shipped my books.  So I bought two different ones at the actual store while I await their arrival--Ordinary People (Guest) and Diary (Palahniuk).

*  I gotta drink more water.

*  Favorite and I didn't get to do devotions together this morning, and I actually missed it even though we only started it this week.  Funny how attached you get to things.

*  I'm sleeping in on Saturday.  And looking forward to it.

DownTime

It's a relatively low-key night here house the House house.  I did a bit of staining, fixed myself a stellar meal of cheerios and did the laundry.  Here's to going to work with clothes on.

Tonight's a rare night, though.  I get to relax a little bit.  As I was watching my dog stare at me (because he desperately wants to be allowed on the new furniture.  Not happening), I realized how exhausted I've been.  Don't roll your eyes and sigh at me.  I'm not complaining.  I just hadn't realized how much I'd been consumed in 2010.

I'm ready to relax a little bit, but I'm not really sure how.  Suggestions?  My go-to relaxation technique used to include a good book and a bath.  That doesn't cut it anymore.  I'm not a "happy pill" sort of girl.  I'm not likely to indulge in 3 glasses of wine a night, either.

What I realized tonight as I was staining a door frame was that I want to go back to being content with the way things are going in my life.  That's what I missed in 2010.  That's where I left my relaxation.  It's funny, though.  We've built a house this year which is supposed to take the stress off (trailer dwelling can be disturbing).  We've really enjoyed each other's company (Favorite and I) because he's truly my best friend.

But the nagging tenseness (I don't care if it's a word.  You totally understood what I was saying) remains.  Maybe I need a little more sleep and a few more nights of plopping in the recliner and chilling.

Or maybe I just need to let Barky up on the stupid furniture (at least, that's what his begging, little eyes are saying to me right now).

PS.  Before you call the ASPCA, know that I bought the little dog a brand-new bed for the living room just so he would have his own place to lay.  He'll get used to it, and I'll get to enjoy my new (expensive) furniture.

Aspirations and Books

Sometimes I wonder how the Pioneer woman does it.  She blogs, writes cook books, takes pictures and manages to run a ranch AND homeschool.  I managed to get out of bed and get ready this morning only to get to school and somewhat get material across. 

When I got home, I fix a couple of hotdogs and called myself good.  I'm sure her homemade chili would've tasted better, but I'm good with the hotdogs (and they were quick).  But that doesn't stop me from being jealous of all the things she seemingly does with ease.  Simply put, I want to be the Pioneer Woman.

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Since I seemed to put it by the wayside last year, I thought I'd try to randomly update what I'm currently reading throughout the year.  While I'm still awaiting the delivery of a couple of these books, I thought I'd go ahead and give you a quick glance at what's on my shelf.

Currently reading:

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro

I decided to read this book at the suggestion of another blogger I really appreciate.  So far, I haven't been disappointed.  At first I was a little confused.  Then I was astounded and now I'm mesmerized.  It's one of those books that makes you ask the question, "What's the point of this?" only to turn around and say "I have to know what happens to these people."

The last book of his I read was The Unconsoled.  Frankly, I don't remember really liking it (but, in all fairness, I don't remember much about it).  After this experience, though, I'm going to check out The Remains of the Day.

A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan

I am awaiting its arrival from Barnesandnoble.com and I'm really disappointed that the delivery has been delayed.  It was another suggestion from the same blogger listed above.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

This is one of those books that I've heard about for years but never did managed to pick up.  I'm rectifying that situation as soon as Barnesandnoble.com manages to get their deliveries together.

Of course, I'm also willing to be excited about a book that Anna Quindlen pitches because I happen to think she's a fantastic author.

I'll attempt to update my feelings about each of these books in turn.  I've decided to put up a "What I'm Currently Reading" section on my bulletin board in my classroom (and I'm getting rid of my Word of the Week thing).  I'm hoping that if the students know I'm actively reading, they'll be more willing to discuss books with me and even read more.

Resolute

What is it about a new year that draws people to make resolutions for their lives?  It seems to be one of the times of the year when the unrealistic isn't just expected, it's encouraged. 

It's not that I believe people can't lose 100 lbs in a year; I just wonder if declarations of that nature are really beneficial for people who may be easily discouraged.  Of course, that doesn't mean I don't/won't make them.

So here are my resolutions:  unrealistic and all.

1.  I want to learn more about Jesus.  I don't know what form this resolution will take.  I know that I will probably facilitate another women's Bible study some time this year.  I know that Favorite and I have committed to doing morning devotions together since we don't see each other for the rest of the day.  I'm looking forward to it so far.

2.  I'm going to take PCOS more seriously.  I may talk about it a little more on here and what it has meant for my life.  I'm setting a small weight loss goal of 20 lbs for the entire year, because this syndrome makes it difficult to lose weight.  However, I do know that losing even 10% of body weight can restore normal hormonal function (per information I've read).  So I'm going to set small goals and work toward getting there without getting absolutely crazy in the process.

3.  I'm going to simplify.  I need some order and consistency in my life and that may mean giving up some things.  I don't know what those things are or even if I'm expected to give up actual activities at this very second, but I'm open to what God has planned for me.

And that's about it.  There are some private goals I'm keeping between myself and God--and I'm definitely challenging myself to bring more things to Him and leave them there.

I am curious.  What are your goals for 2011--realistic and otherwise?