Saturday, February 18, 2012

...Whatever is Admirable...

I keep thinking that I will eventually get the point where I am no longer almost ashamed to tell people I am a Christian. Don't misinterpret. If we were to sit down and talk about Christ and his place in my life, you would see that I am grateful for His mercies--they are new every morning.

But as an ambassador, I am sadly lacking. Without becoming self deprecating (because most people think that term and realism are interchangeable), I need to be honest about the reflection that stares at me from the mirror. My words are not always helpful or beneficial. Some of those words I am attempting to removefrom my vocabulary entirely--with limited success. I make inappropriate jokes and even more inappropriate comments. Screening before speaking is not a virtue of mine.

I don't always know how to deal with hurts, insecurities or horrible people. I'm at an even deeper loss when I'm the horrible person. I struggle with boundaries and alienation, but I know that some decisions, happy or not, are necessary.

Walking with Jesus hasn't innoculated me from any sense of my humanity. But the time between the actual act or word and my recognition of what needs to be sacrficed for His glory is becoming shorter.

And I'm just praying that is admirable.

...Whatever is Admirable... Part 2


J said...

"Walking with Jesus hasn't inoculated me from any sense of my humanity."

Love it. So true.

Mindee@ourfrontdoor said...

This really resonates with me. Great writing.