You know, despite the fact that never seem to be at a loss for words, I'm having difficulty articulating my current position.
God is clearly moving in my life. Conviction and grace have been heaped on my head. I am learning to live like the free person I was intended to be (Gal. 5:1), and I'm certainly learning to bury my Judgey McJudgerson attitude (most days).
It's a good place.
And while I'm experiencing abundance in a way I had forgotten was possible, I am also waiting. I feel idle, and I'm anxious to find my niche in ministry again. There is an inexplicable draw to pour out what God has heaped on me.
During our joint service with Hopewell, PastorJosh reminded us that miracles and power followed the early church because of their intent passion and belief in Jesus Christ.
It resonated with me. I want to sustain that kind of passion. I want to be on that kind of team. And I don't need to be the superstar either. I'd be content to wear the jersey and work behind-the-scenes if that's what was asked of me. I really just want to be a player in the game.
Christ didn't leave me suffocating in my hopelessness. Minute by minute, His sustaining hand has been constant--usually only visible in hindsight.
When I look back at the things we've survived, almost every scripture God has used to sustain us has used the analogy of water.
There was our wedding ("Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away" Song of Songs 8:7).
Then, our loss (“Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” Matt. 8:25)
And finally, the promise that He would remain faithful ("When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you" Isaiah 43:2)
And now? I just want Him to allow me the experience of a new, gushing spring, and appreciate the water in the desert (Isaiah 43:18-20).
I'll gladly sit on the sidelines and praise Him openly for His provision.
Or, You can put me in, Coach. I'm ready to play.