Monday, March 12, 2012

Suckingly Amusing

Things that suck (but amusingly so):

1.  Jay-Z had it right:  thirty is the new twenty.  At least it seems that way in current culture.  Or maybe just because I'm in my thirties now.  But because thirty is the new twenty, there are all these expectations regarding how a person should look well into middle age-ed-ness.  Sure, no one wants to have to rock mom jeans, but do I still have to entertain the idea of skinny jeans?  Isn't thirty too old to consider leggings and a shirt an outfit?

2.  I am never thirsty anymore.  Mostly because I consume approximately one lake of water a day.  But my dedication to the habit means I forever look like I'm trying out for America's Best Dance Crew, because I constantly have to visit the little girls room.

3.  My new favorite meal is Lemon-Splashed Shrimp Salad.  It incorporates a good portion of veggies (I eat the salad over a bowl of spring mix), and it includes good fats and a fresh flavor.  Unfortunately, I'm starting to feel toward my appetite the way my husband felt toward me when we were building a house.  Occasionally I've wanted to yell, "OH, SHRIMP IS IT?  HAVE YOU CONSIDERED FRESH STEAMED LOBSTER?  IT'S ONLY FIVE DOLLARS MORE!"  Nothing like wine taste on a beer budget.

4.  My dog loves biscuits.  He also loves the insides of my shoes.  Recently, he ate the footie socks I started wearing to keep him from licking the insides of my shoes.  Know how I found out?  His stomach didn't want to digest said footie socks.  You do the math.

5.  My hair is longer than it's been since I was five.  I'm almost Rapunzel.  Embellishments aside, I've realized that my goal of having long hair isn't nearly as functional as I'd once imagined.  Or maybe I needed less sleep in those days.  Regardless, the ponytail-every-day-thing makes my face look fatter so I'm going to have to compromise sleep, vanity or just get a stupid haircut.

6.  Fresh, crusty, French bread with olive oil, Parmesan, salt, pepper and tomato.  I can't quit you.  ::sobs::

7.  Spring break is on its way.  My spring break body is still in hiding.  Give me some french bread and I'll still call it a win.

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