Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Dream Big

Goals are a tricky thing to nail down.  Depending on what day you ask me, I may tell you my biggest goal is to weigh what my license says I weigh or even just to stop drinking coffee that day.  Often I have to set small goals (I won't eat the cookie...I won't eat the cookie...I won't eat...the other cookie).  But each day presents its own problems which then requires that I modify my set of goals to meet those challenges.

But overall, there are a few things that continuously come into play.  First of all, I want to be a godly woman.  I really do.  I fall short pretty well every day.  Today I was thinking about what a problem my mouth is and how I'm really going to have to start working on it in order to make this goal a reality.  After that, I guess I'll spend more time on compassion.  This is a gift Big Bro has nailed, and I'm a little bit jealous.  I don't make a good first impression.  People rarely like me when they first meet me, and even fewer people seem willing to listen to my viewpoint when it comes to certain topics.  I thought that would be different as I aged, but the reality may be that I just haven't come far enough in the godly woman thing to be heard.

I want to be a phenomenal teacher--you know, the one that students talk about.  What would I want them to say?  "Mrs. House was tough, but she was awesome.  You couldn't be lazy in her class.  She doesn't let people get away with anything, but she's usually fair."  Why do I want them to say those things?  It's really not for approval.  I don't need the kids to tell me I'm awesome to feel good about my job, but I do want my desires to be obvious.  I want to educate all of them to the best of my ability.  I want them to have as many options as they possibly can.  I want them to realize that not everything can be interesting and exciting, but some things they thought were boring were actually pretty cool.  I want to help them discover, learn, write and read.  I want to make them learn responsibility and earn their grades.  And I don't want to quit changing, learning and adapting to make education what it should be in my classroom.

I want to be mommy.  This is a pretty simple desire, but it's one that's a deep part of me.  Do I realize that this task is going to be frustrating at times?  Hello?!  I'm a teacher.  I deal with teenagers on a regular basis so I'm not unrealistic about the idea of parenthood.  But I can recall something I read in Tuesdays with Morrie.  To paraphrase, Morrie tells Mitch that there's nothing like parenthood.  You don't have to try it, but there's no replacement for the feeling of being a parent.  I want to know how that feels.

Most of all, I want to be the type of person others trust, value and enjoy.  Surely I'll make it there some day?

1 comment:

Ms. Hays said...

In spite of time and distance, Crystal, I still trust, value, and enjoy everything you offer, which is why I return to your blog during my down time. Reading your blog helps me stay feeling connected with you, and your blog also articulates many of the same feelings and frustrations I feel about teaching. You, my dear, have the artful skill of writing about it all. Please, keep it up! :)