Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Frankly, I'm Scared of Everything

When I read the topic "Share something you're afraid of," I automatically laughed, because I'm pretty much terrified of everything.  I don't think I've always been fearful so maybe it's a symptom of adulthood?  It's definitely something I've been trying to overcome in the last few years.  But, in the name of being a good sport, what follows are the things I'm afraid of:

1.  The dark.  Seriously.  I realize I'm 30 years old and this is supposed to be something one overcomes at age 10.  I'm 20 years behind and I don't even care.  It's not even the dark that really terrifies me.  It's the possibility that lurks in the dark.  *shiver*

2.  Doing a bad job...at pretty much everything.  I wouldn't call myself a perfectionist, but I certainly like to do things well.  I want to be good at teaching and coaching.  I want to be a great wife and Christian.  Most of the time, I feel like I fall short.  And in falling short, I'm often terrified that affects someone else....which is just another thing to add to the list.  Basically, I'm terrified that I'm not doing it "right"...whatever that may be.

3.  Missed opportunities.  There are things in life I'd like to do.  I'd like to build a house and live in it with my husband.  We're very close to checking that one off the list.  I'd like to go back to school at some point in time--just because I like learning.  Will I get the chance?  I don't know...and it worries me that I will be missing out.  I'd like to be a mom.  Actually, just between us, I want a house full of kids (four or five).  Sometimes I'm scared that isn't in the cards for me.  It scares me to think that people I love may not come to know Jesus in a personal way.  Sometimes I'm just scared that I'm missing out on the bigger picture.

4.  Losing people I love.  I am who I am because of a few people so it stands to reason I am deeply attached to them.  And while I know that we will meet again, living without them is a terrifying thought.

5.  People thinking untrue things about me.  Should it terrify me?  Nope.  But there are precarious situations that get difficult to  navigate when people want to believe things that are less than true.  Is there anything that I can do about it?  Nope.  They'll just have to keeping thinking.

I think I'll let those sum up my fears for now.  There are probably a hundred tiny ones I never mentioned (spiders, anyone?), but these are the biggies.  I'm sure some of you can relate.

2 comments:

Rebecca Louise. said...

I completely resonate with 2 and 5!

Ms. Hays said...

For the most part, I could copy your list as my own. Maybe this is one of the reasons why we never ran out of things to talk about. Thank you for sharing. :)