Monday, July 16, 2012

A Dose of Reality

Just last week, I talked about the good place I've been inhabiting.  There's been a lot of "new" here.  A lot of blessing.  A new realization of who I am in Christ and my calling to depend on Him for every breath.  There are encouraging people.  And a whole new list of people who are dedicating themselves to healthier lifestyles.

It's been six weeks of adequate progress.  We're running more on each outing.  We're exercising 5-6 days a week (usually).  I'm learning to make better food choices, I stay within a calorie budget and I log food and exercise on a daily basis.

But when people come here, I don't want them to get the idea that we started this journey and it's been nothing but sunshine and roses ever since.  There are setbacks.  PCOS is still a factor that means I gain and lose the same two lbs for a few days.  Two steps forward, one step back.  Some weeks don't allow for six days of running.  This week I even took two days off in a row--something I haven't done since we started running a few weeks ago.

It means that the next run is harder.  Breath doesn't come as easily.  Legs are sore.  We did two miles yesterday, and I couldn't run half as much in the last half mile as I did for the first six laps.  I'd like to tell you I was proud of the progress I had made, but I was mostly disappointed at how far I have to go.

The day of the disappointing weigh-in is frustrating.  Sometimes there's a reason I'm two pounds up.  Sometimes that's just the step back for the week.  Most days I can keep that weight in perspective.  This isn't, after all, a journey simply about weight loss.  It's about sacrificing my wants and desires to the heart of Christ alone.  Some days all I can think about is the weight I have to lose and the sacrifice seems too steep.

There are outings when that sacrifice doesn't happen.  Bachelor parties and birthdays.  Family meals and dinners out.  My choices are a hundred times better than they have been, but sometimes even the best choices in a given sitting are not the best choices overall.

I'm learning these things.  I'm struggling with these things.  This sense of dedication hasn't been without its frustrations.  On those days, I pray through gritted teeth and ask for progress so I don't lose my resolve.

Right now, I'm just grateful to say there are fewer gritted teeth days than there have been in the past.  Though today might be one of them.


BeckyloC said...

Hey, Crystal!
Just saw your blog for the first time and have added it to my favorites. I find myself to be in a fitness lull myself and will be going to your words for that extra motivation I need. I look forward to reading about your progress!

Mindee@ourfrontdoor said...

Doing the right thing in the face of perceived reasons NOT to means you're developing one of the most important muscles - character!