Last year's resolutions--this year's thoughts in bold.
1. I want to learn more about Jesus. I don't know what form this resolution will take. I know that I will probably facilitate another women's Bible study some time this year. I know that Favorite and I have committed to doing morning devotions together since we don't see each other for the rest of the day. I'm looking forward to it so far. We didn't manage to stick through morning devotions. Truthfully, our schedules are so opposite, it got a little ridiculous. He'd be falling asleep during morning time, and I would be asleep when he came home. But I do think I managed to learn quite a bit about Jesus during 2011--just not in the ways I had previously pictured.
2. I'm going to take PCOS more seriously. I may talk about it a little more on here and what it has meant for my life. I'm setting a small weight loss goal of 20 lbs for the entire year, because this syndrome makes it difficult to lose weight. However, I do know that losing even 10% of body weight can restore normal hormonal function (per information I've read). So I'm going to set small goals and work toward getting there without getting absolutely crazy in the process. I didn't lose much weight, but I did take the syndrome more seriously. More on that later.
3. I'm going to simplify. I need some order and consistency in my life and that may mean giving up some things. I don't know what those things are or even if I'm expected to give up actual activities at this very second, but I'm open to what God has planned for me. Whoo. I had no idea that simplification would mean saying goodbye to my church, members of my family and people I had known for years. 2011 was definitely the year of letting go--of dreams, relationships, expectations, people who used to live in close proximity, and fruitless commitments. You can't hang in there just because it's what you've always done, nor can you hope and hope and hope that things will get better when it's clear that is anything but true. Sometimes the kindest action really is waving goodbye and meaning it.
Now, on to 2012...
1. In continuation of taking PCOS more seriously, I plan to cook on a regular basis.
I used to love to cook. I loved being in the kitchen. I loved planning meals. I loved flavors and textures and color on my plate. But when I focus on weight loss, I only focus on getting as much as I can for as few calories as I can as quickly as I can. Which, I think, is sad. My resolution to cook more often has more to do with enjoying something again than it does with weight loss.
Would I like to lose weight? Sure. But I'm finally coming to the point where I can embrace myself so I can move past this stupid mentality that has kept me stuck in a rut. The facts are as follows: my cholesterol is good. My blood pressure is low. I generally consume under 2000 calories a day (often under 1500 calories a day). Most of those calories are not from a fatty resource. I rarely eat fast food.
What I want to do instead is focus on creating a meal that I can actually enjoy. I want to look at food differently. Basically, I want to live my life differently. Instead of valuing thinness, I want to value good living. And part of that includes my vision of food. How can I possibly view food in a positive manner when I generally come home and eat the first convenient item in sight? Oh, and that's another part of cooking more regularly--finding a way to eliminate the majority of convenience foods in my life. Not all, but some.
2. I plan to be--let go when necessary and move on when possible.
Things were difficult in 2011--good, but difficult. Like I said earlier, letting go is never an easy part of living, and I'm worse at it than most. I hold grudges, get my feelings hurt and can't move on because I continue to play events in my head. I need to remember some relationships aren't forever, and that's not always a bad thing. Part of this resolution may also include spending less time with people who create ill will (purposefully or not). Who needs more jealousy, selfishness or anger in life? Not this girl.
3. I plan to watch my mouth.
Out of all the things I've struggled with (and the list is long and distinguished), language sits at the top of the list. I'm not just talking specific words, though that is a consideration here. I'm also talking purposeful speech. It doesn't mean I'll never tell a joke again, but I want to be careful about belittling others--particularly those with strong feelings about personal situations. It's happened to me, and it hurts when people are flippant with your life.
4. Simplification continues.
For the first time in 6 years or so, I will not be leading a Bible study. I'm still sad about it, but I really believe it's by God's design for this season of my life. My church does offer small groups, and I will be attending one of those, and my mom and SILSheena and I are going to complete James: Mercy Triumphs over the next twelve weeks. I am also retired from singing, which is a sad blessing.
I also plan to stay at work until four or four thirty every day to cut down on the grading hassle. Since I have an extra class of sophomores, my grading load last semester was horrendous. I graded until the very last day of school, and I need to commit myself to doing something
My house is becoming clutter-free and organized so I don't have to spend every weekend doing a massive cleaning overhaul. I'm working on the laundry problem.
I really just plan to spend less time on what doesn't matter and focus more on the things that make a difference in the end. Oh, and reading--on my Nook. Which is simplification at its best :)
Nothing revolutionary. But I'm looking forward to 2012--without constantly looking behind me. I remember where I've been. Now it's time to move on.