Thursday, August 25, 2011

A Pair of Glass Slippers

Flip flops.  I spend almost the entire summer in flip flops.  Unfortunately, I have this weird "that's not work wear" aversion to flip flops during the school year.

And yet, the first morning of school, I realized that I had to throw my favorite flats away because...well, they had a full life, ladies and gentlemen.  A full, smelly life.

That left me with a few pairs of semi-dressy sandals and flip flops.  Crap.

I made it work for the first week, but on our way home from our weekend trip, I made Favorite stop at a shoe outlet so I could rectify  my issue.  Thankfully, I found two really cute pairs of work appropriate shoes.  I fawned over heels and remembered the days I could tromp my happy rear end in them all day long and realized that those days may be behind me...mostly because of what IS behind me.  But that's a topic for another day.

Unfortunately, I'm currently unable to wear my new shoes.  Why, you ask?  Well, I wore one pair on the first day and my heels currently look like they survived the gulf war.  They aren't tough.  You know, because flip flops don't have backs.

But today, as I was looking at one of my well dressed coworkers, I realized that my wardrobe could use a little pick-me-up--not just my shoes.  (Not that all my clothes are bad.  I received a compliment regarding a dress from the best-dressed sub in the building.  Seriously.  I would totally stalk her and her closet.  She looks flawless every. single. day.  High school be damned.)

I have a problem buying clothes, though. 

1.  I'm fat.  There.  I said it.  And it's totally the truth.  I'm rocking the no white flour/white sugar diet, and I'm really choosing to eat better foods, so be proud of me.  But let's not pretend my 9 millions pounds of less-than-awesome are coming off tomorrow.  It's going to be s-l-o-w going.

2.  My body shape is weird.  I know hundreds of women probably feel this way, and I for one feel for them.  I am short-waisted, large chested and have hips that would make Renaissance artists slobber.  I'm not tall, but my thighs take up a lot of material and make pants appear shorter than they probably should.

Oh, and belts?  I'm not drawing attention to my doesn't-exist-even-if-you-cinch-it middle.

I wear a lot of loose fitting shirts and cardigans.  I LOVE cardigans.  They hide my arms and keep my back fat from being completely obvious.  I mean, I would love them anyway.  I think they look classic and clean.  But on me?  They are flesh colored concealer.

So the update shall commence.  And I shall post pictures.  And I shall accessorize like an adult.  (Because what's the fun of being one if you can't buy all the stuff you couldn't afford when you were 17?)

Or I'll pray for a fairy Stacy-and-Clinton.


CaseyRhea said...

Stacy and Clinton would shoot me! Sister number two always looks fabulous - when I got my job a few months ago... I called her for help. I actually sent her pics via text every morning for about a month. want her number?

CrysHouse said...

Honestly, I could probably use it. Sometimes what others say looks good on me just makes me uncomfortable, though. I'd like to look cute on a regular basis, but I think I usually just give up and wear a big tshirt and jeans.

Amber said...

Don't wish for Stacy and Clinton... or one day, you'll find yourself at the airport dressed like a hobo and then BAM. Clinton Kelly. Plaid suit and all, but he won't even have the decency to stop and bombard you with unfortunate video of your worst days and $5000...

Do I Have to Be a D.I.N.K.? said...

I love Stacy and Clinton!