I am writing this little letter because I need to redefine our relationship. As it stands, this "sit-around-and-wait-for-me" thing isn't really working for me. Don't get me wrong; I appreciate your consistency. I appreciate that you are willing to meet me day after day thereby alleviating any lonely feelings I may develop while Favorite is at work. What I have realized, however, is that there is no follow through with you.
That's right, Laundry. I said it. You don't DO anything. You just sit there. And I've had enough.
It's time for you to start doing yourself. Dirty connotations aside, Laundry. Now is not the time for jokes. In fact, I would like to suggest you form a deep, personal relationship with Tide and Snuggles. They are going to make your day a whole lot easier.
Feel free to submit your concerns to me in writing. Until then, I'll expect you to follow through with your end of the bargain.