Grad school is the scariest thing in the world to me. I contacted the local university to determine time limits, application deadline and requirements. But it FREAKS ME OUT. School scares the beejeezus out of me. What if I can't handle the commitment? What if I can't finish on time? What if I end up with a bunch of stupid people in my classes? What if I'M the stupid person?
Eventually, I'll bite the bullet and get everything together (like letters of recommendation from professors I haven't seen in the last 3 1/2 years). I could probably do it this summer, but I'm wondering if I just need some time off.
A little less stress. A little less busyness.
Maybe, this summer, I need to spend a little time caring about people who need some tenderness. Maybe I need to spend some time being tender before the Lord. Maybe I need to focus on trusting Him and His plan for my life.
I need to realize that those things are purposeful actions. I need to stop filling my days because I'm afraid I'm going to cry or mourn. Instead, I need time to feel those things so I can commit them to God and move into a new, less debilitating stage of grief.
And I'm purposefully going to make myself available...for whatever may need me...if I'm even still needable.
But Grad School, I'll probably see you this fall.