Thursday, May 19, 2011

Grad School and Empty Spaces

Grad school is the scariest thing in the world to me.  I contacted the local university to determine time limits, application deadline and requirements.  But it FREAKS ME OUT.  School scares the beejeezus out of me.  What if I can't handle the commitment?  What if I can't finish on time?  What if I end up with a bunch of stupid people in my classes?  What if I'M the stupid person?

Eventually, I'll bite the bullet and get everything together (like letters of recommendation from professors I haven't seen in the last 3 1/2 years).  I could probably do it this summer, but I'm wondering if I just need some time off. 

A little less stress.  A little less busyness.

Maybe, this summer, I need to spend a little time caring about people who need some tenderness.  Maybe I need to spend some time being tender before the Lord.  Maybe I need to focus on trusting Him and His plan for my life.

I need to realize that those things are purposeful actions.  I need to stop filling my days because I'm afraid I'm going to cry or mourn.  Instead, I need time to feel those things so I can commit them to God and move into a new, less debilitating stage of grief.

And I'm purposefully going to make myself available...for whatever may need me...if I'm even still needable.

But Grad School, I'll probably see you this fall.

1 comment:

Sheena said...

There isn't a time frame on grad school if you're doing it while working. Don't overload sucks. However, as with everything else in higher education you just have to jump through a lot of hoops. (insert circus music)