Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Just Call Me Gizmo

I think I'm a gremlin.

Don't feed me after midnight or I'll turn into a nasty green monster covered in slime (with the random mohawk).  Actually, I'll just gain four hundred pounds in a matter of minutes followed by a hormone freak out in which I'll dream my grandmother announces her pregnancy.  (I should probably clarify that most of this paragraph is a complete and total lie--except for the part about dreaming my grandmother announced her pregnancy.  Which is totally weird.  And does not really relate to becoming a monster at all.)

Don't let me get wet or I'll start reproducing evil, little furballs that will eventually become nasty green monsters covered in slime.

Ok, the wet part isn't completely accurate, but pump me full of the right medication and I'll definitely start oozing something not good.  Of course, riding the hormone wave that everyone else learned to navigate at 15 could also have the same effect.

Occasionally, I'll sing you a haunting melody.  Today it's a short little diddy I'd actually love to sing at a wedding.  That's totally unlike me because I HATE to sing at weddings...but this?  Haunting and gorgeous.  Eva Cassidy, eat your heart out.

I can't fit into anyone's backpack (no shock there), and my husband didn't get me from some weird Chinese guy.  I can't even come up with something funny there, because not one person in my family looks slightly Chinese, and weird Nordic guy doesn't have the same connotation.

I guess I don't have huge ears (comparatively speaking) and I'm not quite that furry.  (I promise I will shave my legs this week.  Promise.)

And that Ladies and Gentlemen is how I blog the random thoughts in my head for the day.

You're welcome.