Sunday, April 10, 2011

To You for Yesterday

Ladies,

I appreciate your sweet comments for yesterday.  I'm not going to publish them because I feel like they are personal--between me and you.  But thank you just the same.

I'm trying to keep it real here in blogland (if that's possible since you really only get a slice of my life), and sometimes that means sharing my fear.  Sometimes I feel crippled by it, and that's something I'm working through honestly with God.

As one of you pointed out, I am very blessed to have the opportunity to work with someone different if I don't feel my doctor is sufficient.  I'm sorry you don't have that same luxury (ask your doctor about Metformin.  It's been wonderful for me).  I certainly don't want to sound ungrateful for that luxury.  I'm just a little bit afraid.

This is one of those issues I feel is simply up to God.  We spend so much time praising doctors and fertility medications, but the truth is it is by His hand that we receive those blessings at all.  The best fertility doctor and procedure does not shake God from His throne.

So I'm praying for His blessing.  I'm praying for a double portion from Him.  But that doesn't keep me from going through real moments of terror.  Those moments don't keep me from continuing my relationship with Him.  I'm just still figuring out how to navigate it.

(PS.  Prayer Monday post to come later this evening)

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