Apparently, farting noises are in vogue. At least, they are in high school.
So it shouldn't have shocked me when one of my students made a farting noise just as another student bent over to pick something up. And I probably shouldn't have exploded, but I'm really tired of the sound effects and the constant need to belittle other people.
So I did. I exploded. I told the entire class that I NEVER want to hear any sound effects in my room again (of course, some of this goes back to my first semester here and a wiley group of young men who only spoke in sound effects...but I digress). After my tirade, what did my little offender do?
"I didn't do it, Mrs. House." The other kids in the room, EVERY KID, turned around and said, "Yes, you did. The rest of us were talking."
Eventually he owned up, stayed after class and told me he hated being made fun of so he did it to "get back" at the other kid.
Now there's a lot more to this story, but I should first tell you that the student who was "getting back" at the other student constantly makes a spectacle of himself. He invites students to laugh at him. But, like most of us, he only wants people to laugh at him on his own terms. He's constantly trying to be something else or compete with his classmates to be better at something, and the good majority of them don't really know how to respond. If they laugh, he's upset because they are making fun of him. If they don't laugh, he's upset because they don't like him because they don't find him funny. If he's not better at something, they have no reason to like him.
Suffice it to say that the kid is an insecure mess. Granted, that's likely what we expect out of a 14-year-old. It's less appealing when it comes from an adult.
But it happens into adulthood. People are mocked. Sometimes they are left out. Occasionally, they are targeted. And sometimes they are paranoid.
I hate all of those things. I do. Personally, it's one of the reasons I don't do things with a lot of people (alright, alright. I just don't go out at all, mostly. I'm a house rat. I won't lie). Jealousy comes when you aren't even trying to make someone else jealous or possessive, and it's likely that I'm just as guilty as the next person.
But I'm more guilty of paranoia. In an attempt to find a reason for all things, I've noted that I'm more paranoid in the days that surround my monthly visitor. Ladies, some of you will likely understand this concept. I tend to be more tired, more suspicious and down more during this time than any other time. Some of it is due to hormones. A lot of those hormone fluctuations are due to PCOS.
It's been difficult to understand, but most of the information I've read about PCOS indicates a lack of peaks and dips when it comes to hormones. That would explain my supreme inability to deal with them when they come along. But part of me is just a little joyful that I'm experiencing them now because it means my body *might* be functioning the way it's meant to.
Not that it feels good to be paranoid, ya'll. Paranoia stinks. However, it's definitely another marker in the lesson that my feelings are never quite reliable anyway.
So that's where I stand. Maybe my 14-year-old boy also has hormone fluctuations?
On another note, I've decided I'm going to start collecting "hosting" dishes so I can throw a once-a-month party at my house. Every woman wants a reason to have the girls over. So if you want to be one of my girls, feel free to sign the list and make suggestions for serving dishes. Chances are, they'll be sunflower colored, but I'd be glad to choose coordinating colors to spice up the offerings (like red. I love red. A lot.).